


Hidden Secrets

by DarkAlchemistNinja, lilhealer



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Blood, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mpreg, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Shizaya - Freeform, Surgery, Violence, graphic depictions of surgical procedures
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-03-31 17:44:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3987037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAlchemistNinja/pseuds/DarkAlchemistNinja, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilhealer/pseuds/lilhealer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shizuo finally has Izaya right where he wants him, but then the damn Flea goes and passes out while trying to tell him something that seemed to be important, so of course, curiosity gets the better of Ikebukuro's blonde abnormal, and he saves his life. Shinra sees this as an opportunity to convince the two to get along. While attempting to do so, Shizuo flips out and causes a medical miracle/disaster. </p><p>Meanwhile Aoba discovers Izaya is not at his post as an Informant, and decides he wants to eliminate his competition, so he investigates the hospital records and rallies the Blue Squares. Somehow Kasuka has access to such information.</p><p>Will Izaya live long enough to learn to coexist with Shizuo?<br/>Will Aoba manage to destroy Izaya's empire?<br/>Why does Kasuka know what Aoba's plans are?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Trapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo finally corners Izaya. Will he finally finish him off?

Izaya darted down the road, dodging various items thrown his direction; A normal day for him, really. He jumped up a fire escape and then off it as a vending machine destroyed it, darting down an alley. 

he stopped short when he hit the end of the alley; it had been bricked off since he'd last run around like this. He swore and looked around, there was nothing low enough for him to grab, aside from a fire escape like four feet away from him. 

It wasn't like him to miss something like that; but at that moment, the alley went dark as Shizuo's silhouette was framed at the end of it. He swore, his flick blade out in one hand as he chucked a trio of throwing knives with the other, trying to keep him far enough away for him to be able to make it to the fire escape that he now realized was just barely within his reach. 

He dashed for it, hoping Shizuo was too slow to get to him before he reached it.

"Dammit!" Shizuo swore out loud as his mind scrambled for something to pick up. There! A dumpster! It wasn't even a thought so much as an instant action. He tore it up from the ground effortlessly. 

There was a thick series of thuds as the knives bounced off of the iron sides of his makeshift shield. "Quit running I-za-ya!" He taunted and pulled the enormous block of trash and metal over his head. "You'll just be tired when I finally run your ass into the ground!" 

The dumpster went flying, crashing into a fire escape and reducing it to shreds of scrap metal. It smashed off of the side of a building and clanged loudly against the ground. And the weaselly little bastard wasn't underneath it.

Shizuo leaned back and stuck his hands in his pockets. Good. His sunglasses were still intact. The little bastard hadn't managed to break another pair yet. He glanced around at the nearby area. He sighed and took a few steps forward. 

"If you're just gonna hide, then I'll have to keep breaking things. And I hate breaking things. So just show yourself so I can beat your ass and get on with my day."

While Izaya may not have ended up under the dumpster, he had certainly been hit by it, not to mention the shards of shrapnel from the fire escape that had shot at him like missiles. 

He had been flung back and struck the brick wall, biting back a cry of pain as pieces of metal buried themselves into various parts of his body, luckily none of them fatal, but the hit from the dumpster plus cracking his head on the brick wall had stunned him, and he was aware that he was bleeding. 

Some of the metal had flung so hard they had pinned his jacket to the brick behind him, and he struggled to break free. "ngh..." he'd never felt so out of control of his surroundings before... and he didn't like it. He knew Shizuo could take his time to come after him now, and he was powerless to stop it. 

He remained silent, listening to the blonde behemoth spew his irritating comments and trying in vain to get unstuck, hearing his jacket tear, but he still couldn't move. it was then that he registered the pain and noticed that a long piece of metal had jabbed itself right through his shoulder muscles and buried itself into the bricks. he was literally pinned like a bug.

It was all of two whole seconds before Shizuo lost his patience again. He gritted his teeth. "Rrrrrgh. Sneaky bastard, where'd you go!?" He picked up a nearby metal rod and swung it in a wide semicircle, laying waste to nearby windows and stacks of garbage. 

He threw the pole towards the wall that the dumpster had hit. The crash it caused was louder than the one that the dumpster had. He ran after it without thinking and vaulted over the bits of brick and debris now littering the alleyway. 

While the pole didn't actually hit Izaya, it went through the brick wall way too close for Izaya's comfort and he winced, redoubling his efforts to attempt to pull the bit of metal out of his shoulder to no avail. 

There! Crouching against the wall! Shizuo's face broke out violently into a smile and he catapulted towards Izaya. "I've gotcha now fucker!" he laughed. He didn't even slow down to land a blow. He put the momentum of his incredible speed into the punch, landing it directly in Izaya's midsection. 

"Damn that felt good! I think I'll do it..." He pulled back and landed another devastating blow "Again!" Another punch, this time to the face. "What's the matter, huh? Not gonna run away this time?" He finally noticed the spike of metal protruding from Izaya's shoulder. He couldn't help but laugh at his good luck.

Coughing up blood at the ferocity of Shizuo's punching spree he spat it out, gazing at Shizuo with hatred in his eyes as he tried not to actually vomit whenever Shizuo hit him in the stomach. 

His vision was getting blurry at this point, and he coughed up more blood before managing to speak as Shizuo took a break from punching him to gloat a bit more. "F-Fine.. you... got me.. Just... End it already." he managed. 

Shizuo laughed. "I'll end it when I'm good and ready, Flea." he taunted him, faking a punch that made Izaya flinch. 

This wasn't looking good for him. "ngh... Sh-Shizu-chan... I just wish i could have.... told you..." his gaze was now lacking any emotion, dimming as blood loss was beginning to render him unconscious. "told... you... th-that... i...." and then he could speak no more as the darkness took him.

Shizuo paused as Izaya went limp. "Told me?" he said, staring at the limp form of the Informant pinned to the brick wall. "Told me what!?" he demanded of Izaya's unconscious body. 

His fists slowly unclenched and his shoulders sagged a bit. "Aggh. Weaselly bastard. Figures..." He stood up straight and walked a few steps away, then turned to look back at Izaya's unconscious body.

He could just leave him to die. That would be great. But then he'd win. The bastard would win because he'd never know what he was going to say. Fuck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three hours later Izaya was laid out on a hospital bed covered in bandages with an IV sticking out of his arm. Shizuo paced back and forth restlessly at the foot of the bed, trying very hard not to throw it out the window out of frustration. 

Just what in the hell was he doing? This is what he wanted, right? He finally caught him. So why in the hell did it matter if he got to hear what he said?

It was a few hours before Izaya even stirred, he was lost in a blissful peaceful darkness. it drove him nuts. He wanted to return to his world. the city that he controlled. Shizuo... the blonde's name triggered a spike in his heart rate and he began to start to stir. 

He woke to an EKG machine beeping, his eyes flickered open, crimson orbs of confusion drifted around the room, registering every injury, every slight dull ache that managed to cut through the painkiller. He licked his chapped lips and felt the split, remembering the punch to the face... that would explain why his vision was slightly blurry through his right eye. 

His gaze continued to drift past him to the machines hooked up to him... it wasn't a home-made job, so he was in a hospital... he saw the IV and moved past it; normally he hated needles, but he hated hospitals more, and he didn't have the energy to have a freak out. 

And then his vision cleared enough for him to see past his feet. His heart-rate sped up and he made a noise that was somewhere between a moan of fear and a strangled eep of surprise. Shizuo pacing at the foot of his bed... it both terrified him and electrified him. He tried to speak, managing to croak "Shizuo...?"

He was confused. Why didn't the blonde just let him bleed out in the alley? why bring him here? why save him? 

He wanted to barrage the blonde with questions but he was too tired, and seriously out of it. It was overwhelming... the three things he hated most... needles, hospitals and Shizuo... and he was dealing with all of them at once... well, he didn't really hate Shizuo... just... he shoved the thought away.

It was no use thinking like that... but the blonde HAD saved him... so... he needed answers.


	2. Lockdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinra drops a bombshell on Shizuo that has him seething with rage.

Shizuo stopped pacing mid-step and gritted his teeth. "Shut up." he barked at Izaya. Fuck, he was already awake. Well, sure, that's what Shizuo had been waiting for. Not like he was really looking forward to it though. He knew Izaya was waking up before he said anything. The EKG machine sped up tenfold at least. Good. Let the little bastard be afraid of him. 

He turned around and looked Izaya in the face. "And before you get it in your head that I saved you, I didn't ok?" well that sounded stupid.

"now, now Shizuo... what did i tell you about stressing him out?" came a scolding light tone from near the door of the room. 

Izaya turned his head a little, a painful thing, and gazed that direction, past Shizuo to the man at the door. "Shinra thank god." he said, breathing a sigh of relief at seeing his only friend and the only man he really trusted.

Shinra walked in and over to Izaya, taking his pulse, ignoring the readout on the machine that was supposed to be doing that. Izaya was now calming down with Shinra near, knowing the good doctor was the only one in the city that Shizuo probably (keyword probably) wouldn't punch his face in for ordering him around and yelling at him, and could possibly stop Shizuo from doing any more bodily harm to him at the moment. 

Shinra ignored Shizuo's presence for a few moments. He gazed at Izaya "what have i told you about baiting that idiot?" he said, fully aware of the fact that Shizuo could maim him with one hit, but he was irritated, and with how rare that occurrence was, he doubted even Shizuo was stupid enough to attack him at that moment. Izaya didn't speak as Shinra continued to rant.

"shrapnel all over your body, concussion, black eye, split lip, internal bleeding, twisted ragged metal rod clear THROUGH your shoulder... do you have any idea how close you were to death when Shizuo brought you here? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" he demanded.

Izaya looked away, refusing to respond. "fine. i don't want you to talk now anyway. just... I... you're one of my friends... i hate seeing you two fight like this... isn't there some way you two could get along?" He glanced at Shizuo now.

"Hey!" Shizuo objected when Shinra called him "that idiot". He was standing right there. He kept his clenched fists at his side though. Shinra had saved his ass more times than he cared to count. 

Beating on him wouldn't just be a sign of bad judgement, but an all-around dick move on his part. "You've got better chances waiting for me to fly, Shinra." Shizuo retorted angrily. He was starting to wonder whether this little bit of withheld information was worth not killing Izaya after all. 

No, if he didn't find out then Izaya would have the last laugh. Just the thought of that made Shizuo want to put him in a lot more pain. That wouldn't solve anything though. And he hated violence anyway. He caught the bastard and now he had him right where he wanted him. He could wait. 

Without waiting for Shinra to reply he stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked over to the window. Ikebukuro lay sprawled out beneath him. It was breathtaking, as always. Thousands of moving lights in the darkness. Watching it was a little therapeutic.

Shinra sighed. "alright fine. since Shizuo is apparently not in the mood to compromise with me, i guess i'll take you home and stay with you till you're better. i know you hate hospitals and needles. i can only remove one of these things, and the hospital is actually the safest thing to remove you from at the moment." he said. Izaya gave him a grateful look. 

Shinra looked at Shizuo. "i don't care how much you two hate each other, you need to stop all of this childish bullshit." he said, annoyance in his voice. "I'd lock you two in a padded room together but even if i were to put Shizuo in a straitjacket he'd just break out of it and punch you into oblivion. You two are acting like stubborn 6 year-olds and I'm tired of it. Shizuo, I've talked to Tom. you are coming with me to Izaya's house and he said if you destroy it or me you're fired." 

"What!?" well, that therapeutic moment was obliterated. What the actual fuck. "Tom wouldn't do that! What the hell!?" Shizuo whirled around, fists clenched at his sides. "You're crazy if you think I'm gonna live with-" He was cut off when Shinra continued. 

He sighed and turned away. "Shizuo you are not allowed to leave Izaya's house until you two come to some kind of agreement. am i clear?" He turned back and glared at the two of them. "I've got connections not even you want to fuck around with, Shizuo. so I'd suggest not getting mad and throwing me out the window." 

"No!" he answered. "What the hell is supposed to be clear about this!?" he shouted. He was absolutely beside himself with world-blistering rage. In fact, throwing Shinra out the window seemed like a damned good idea. It took an unbelievable measure of willpower to remain seething and not rip a hole in the side of the hospital.

Izaya stared at Shinra. Shizuo... in his house? lord knew his executive suite in the best apartment complex in Ikebukuro had the room for it... but... was Shinra insane? no... just annoyed. Even Izaya knew better than to argue with him when he was irritated. the man had better connections than he did in this instance. 

When it became obvious that Shinra wasn't joking, Shizuo's shoulders sagged. It dawned on him that no matter what he broke or fought against, he couldn't get out of this situation. "This isn't right..." He closed his eyes and sighed. He didn't want to end up thrown in some prison or something. Still...why did it have to be Izaya? Someone up there really hated him.

Shinra watched Shizuo tantrum like a 5 year old told he had to go to his room without dinner, his gaze half-lidded as he let the man swear and pretty much emanate rage till finally he realized that no amount of bitching or destruction would change anything. "are you done?" he asked, his tone reminiscent of one dealing with either a frustrating child or mental patient and trying to hide their irritation. 

Izaya remained silent, unsure what to think of this, not that he had much of a choice at all, being unable to even turn his head without pain shooting through him. 

two nurses came in and started preparing Izaya for transport. Shinra leveled his gaze at Shizuo. "are you going to come quietly? or do i need to call Celty and the other guards I've placed around Izaya's flat to come physically escort you there."

Shizuo pushed past Shinra, placing a flat palm on his chest and effortlessly tossing him into one of the nearby waiting chairs. "No, I'll go. " he said bitterly. "Since you asked so nicely." Fuck politeness. They were past the point of niceties now. He left without another word and wandered aimlessly down the hall. 

He was sure there would be a car outside. He threw out a fist randomly and left a considerable dent in a nearby wall. Didn't really help much. And he would have to have Tom pay for that later. 

Tom. He would have to have a little chat with his partner about this. He almost felt betrayed. Of all people, Tom would know this wasn't a good idea. He tossed back his head and breathed as deeply as he could. "Goddammit." was all he could manage to vocalize. 

He decided to take the stairs. The bastards could wait, and he needed the time to clear his head. There were windows every few floors too, which offered a view of the city. For a moment he considered escaping out into the city and just letting this whole thing go. He couldn't do that though. He'd end up chasing Izaya down again (little fucker) and then they would just end up here.

He landed in the chair a bit hard and didn't move, sighing. He hoped this wasn't going to be a disaster as got up and helped them wheel Izaya out to the car. 

The ravenet spoke at last. "you sure about this?" he managed to say softly. 

"no." Shinra answered honestly. "but obviously leaving you two to your own devices is getting nowhere, locking you in the same room together without supervision will end up with you dead, so this is what we could think of." 

he sighed as he assisted Izaya into the car, still with the IV, his back strapped to board... they were loading him into an ambulance really, supplied with everything that Shinra would need to care for Izaya while at home. Shinra tapped his foot and waited impatiently for Shizuo to appear.

When Shizuo finally reached the ground floor he was confronted with the urge to run for it again. This time it was to spite Shinra for his impatient little look. He walked around the car, hands still stuffed into his pockets, and slid into the backseat.

He noticed Izaya just soon enough to slide in a little too fast and accidentally bump into him. It took a great deal of effort not to at least punch the bastard. A little bump should be considered a merciful act. 

When the car started moving he took out his phone to avoid conversation and sent a text to Celty. -You're in on this too? That's harsh.- He hesitated for a moment then hit send and leaned back in his seat. None of this felt right. He felt closed in, and it was making him a little claustrophobic. 

For right now all he had to do was resist beating on Izaya long enough to appease Shinra. He could do that, right? Right?


	3. Round Two Begins!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting settled in Izaya's penthouse apartment doesn't seem to be an option for Shizuo.

Izaya let out a soft moan as Shizuo bumped into him. Shinra sighed. 

Shortly they made it to Izaya's apartment complex. Shinra got out of the car and greeted Celty, who had replied to Shizuo right before the car had pulled out, - _sorry, Shizuo.. but it's time to end this._ \- and she hugged him while two men grabbed Izaya's stretcher and a third the IV tree and carried him inside.

"I'll get you back for this." He growled under his breath into Celty's ear while she hugged him. He almost meant it too. But she had pulled a few favors for him in the past so he would have to let this one slide. No matter how fucked up this was.

He wandered into the elevator at his own pace and stood awkwardly with his hands in his pockets. He looked anywhere but Izaya's face. He was sure the little bastard would have plenty to talk about when they got there, and he wanted to put that off for as long as fucking possible. 

Shinra looked at Shizuo, taking Celty with him as they went inside, making sure Shizuo was in the elevator with them as he hit the button for the top floor penthouse. The elevator was one of those glass-windowed kind, and kept flashing bits of light at them as they ascended. If Shizuo was a little less annoyed it might have given him a headache.

The elevator door opened to a huge penthouse hallway. The men holding Izaya's stretcher went into the apartment and carried the ravenet to his bedroom to set him up and get him off that board. 

The apartment was huge. three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a pool half inside and half outside, a jacuzzi and a huge living room with a large TV and a ton of gaming systems. the door to Izaya's office was shut and locked, but then there was the huge kitchen. 

Shinra and Celty gave Shizuo a brief tour and told him to pick a bedroom out of the two free ones. Shinra would take the one Shizuo didn't want, while Celty would continue her work as a courier.

The place was so large Shizuo had trouble taking it all in with one look. He counted at least three doorways immediately noticeable. Before he could notice anything else himself, things were being pointed out by Celty and Shinra. Three rooms, a shit ton of luxuries, and a couple bathrooms. Nice. The urge to send a car through the pretty windows and crashing into all of Izaya's expensive little gadgets was almost undeniable. 

At least they gave him a choice of his own bedroom. He unceremoniously popped his head into each room they passed, finally settling on a particularly plain one. Nothing but a bed, a chair, and a closet. Perfect. He didn't want to get settled in, and it had more than enough room for his small number of belongings. There wasn't much in it to destroy if he lost his patience either. 

"I'll take this one." He addressed Shinra with as little acknowledgement as he could. It was bad enough what they were forcing him into, but the uptight fucker was going to babysit him too? He knew he couldn't do anything about it, but that didn't mean he had to like it either.

Shinra sighed as he gazed at Shizuo. "just so you know, I'm only here to make sure Izaya doesn't flat-line." he said, as if reading the blonde's mind. "he's still unstable, but he'll be more at ease here than in a hospital. Hospitals give him anxiety attacks." 

Izaya had been drifting in and out the entire ride, and he'd drifted off in the elevator, passing out from the pain. By the time he came to again, he was comfortably in his bed and on painkillers and one last blood platelet packet.

Shizuo pretended not to hear a word coming from Shinra's mouth and shut the door behind him. It was getting late. The bed looked inviting. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep though. His mind was racing. How the hell did he end up in this situation? Would he be able to control himself long enough for them to be satisfied? He wanted to put a hole in the wall. Maybe snap the bed in half. At least break a window or something.

Shinra sighed heavily and shrugged. He checked on Izaya, who seemed to have slipped back to sleep, and decided to retire himself. He went into his room and lay down, removing just his lab-coat in case an alarm went off in Izaya's room.

Shizuo rolled around in the bed again. He couldn't sleep, no matter how hard he tried to. The place was unfamiliar to him, and as much as he hated to admit it, he felt vulnerable. Shizuo couldn't stand it. Shinra was probably in a room nearby just waiting to spring into action at the first sign of violence. Izaya was off in some other room relaxing the night away and probably doped out of his mind. 

You know what? Fuck that little shit and his beauty rest. If he couldn't punch him through a wall, he sure as hell wasn't going to just let Izaya get a full night's rest. He threw off the bed-sheet and stumbled out of his door. "Hey Izaya! Wanna have a chat?" he called rather loudly out to the rest of the house. He passed right by Shinra's door when he started to yell without realizing it. "Just go ahead and tell me which room you're in!" he taunted.

His voice echoed off the walls and received no answer, which was just fine. He had all night to keep this up. He shouted again as he walked into the spacious middle room. It would be impossible for anyone inside not to hear him from there.

Shinra growled as he woke with a start, hearing Shizuo's loud yelling. He rubbed his eyes and grabbed his glasses, dashing out of his room and over to Shizuo, clamping his hand over his mouth. "you damned fool!" he snapped, his anger winning over. Shinra was one of those that you really didn't want to piss off. 

"you can't just ease off for six hours? what is WRONG with you?" he hissed, dragging Shizuo over to his room with surprising force. He shoved Shizuo into his room and shut the door behind them, his gaze stony and very annoyed. "you have to be one of the most stubborn and block-headed people I've ever met!" 

He continued ranting for a few more minutes. "now. what do you have to say for yourself? and i swear to god if you say something stupid i will call a friend and have you shot." his voice was now toning down, and ended silky and almost pleasant; which was a very bad sign. 

Izaya stirred and began to wake up, but wasn't aware enough to hear anything that was said, though he did hear loud voices.

Shizuo stopped for a second and pretended to contemplate the question. "Ya know...I've never really been much of a talker." His fists clenched tightly. In the next second he was across the room with a wide haymaker swinging directly into Shinra's face. 

The blow knocked him into, and then through the door and against the wall outside. He slumped unconsciously to the floor. Shizuo stepped out into the hallway and walked down it. "Sorry Shinra." He muttered as he passed over his knocked out form. He couldn't let him just threaten him like that without standing up for himself. And he didn't want to end up shot. 

Either way he had to talk to Izaya. That was the entire reason he had ended up in this mess to begin with. Whether that woke the bastard up and interfered with Shinra's care or not didn't really matter to him. "Izaya!" He called out. He was sure he'd get an answer soon after all that noise.

Izaya was now wide awake, and after hearing that loud crash, he doubted that Shinra was awake, or in any condition to protect him. His heart began to pound, he closed his eyes and tried to pretend to be asleep, to be unconscious, anything that would make Shizuo shut up and leave him alone... but he should have known better when his machines began to blare warnings that he was getting all worked up. 

Yeah, he was scared... he'd almost been killed, now he was helpless and the only other person that was awake IN HIS OWN HOME was the one who'd nearly killed him. He had a right to be terrified... even though he hated the feeling, he had to face facts. he was pretty much helpless, weaponless.... and alone.

He roamed around in the house until he heard it. Bee-Beep. He stopped dead in his tracks. His face whipped around to a nearby door. He could have sworn he just heard...Bee-Beep. There it was again. This time he was sure of it. An EKG machine. And it was going pretty damn fast too. 

Having found his target he wasted no time in kicking the door open. He stood in the doorway for a good second or two as his eyes adjusted to the weird lighting. It would have been completely dark if not for the lights projected by the medical equipment hooked up to him. 

"I know you're awake." he snarled at Izaya. He crossed the distance between the doorway and the bed and whipped Izaya over so that they were facing one another. "You've got three seconds to start talking."


	4. Emotional Explosion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo gets his answer and then some. Of course what he learns just makes his volatile nature explode... till the red fades.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I either do really short chapters or huge ones... 
> 
> Anyway i still suck at chapter summaries... 
> 
> here's where we get explicit! enjoy!

"ungh..." Izaya moaned as he was forcibly moved, flinching away from Shizuo as best he could, his breathing bordering on hyperventilation as he gazed at Shizuo's angry face, distorted to look intensely creepy in the dim light cast by the machines. "w-what?" he managed to whimper softly, his face locked onto Shizuo's every movement.

"Rrrrgh." He gritted his teeth and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had to keep in control. At least long enough to get Izaya talking. Then he could put this whole mess behind him. "You know what I mean!" he whirled around and slammed one hand into the bed just hard enough to startle Izaya. 

The motion left him looming over the other menacingly, his face mere inches away. "Back in the alley!" he shouted. "When you were pinned, you almost said something. Well!?" he got even closer. "What was it!?" He heard the EKG machine crank up to almost triple speed and wrestled himself away. If he kept it up he'd kill him. Which would be just fine, but not until after he was done.

He jumped, trembling, feeling his heart skip a few beats when he slammed down onto the bed, and he nearly went into cardiac arrest before the blonde pulled away. He tried to catch his breath. "ngh... I-I don't remember." he said honestly.

"I was dying, i was bleeding out... I don't remember anything after that bit of shrapnel pinned me to the wall." he whimpered, flinching with nearly every word. He vaguely remembered having a final thought... but that couldn't have actually come out of his mouth... could it?

Shizuo was right back over Izaya in a heartbeat. "You're lying Izaya!" he heard something in the boy's tone right at the end of his sentence. Some sort of recognition. Working as a collection agent had honed his ability to detect shit like this. 

He turned around and stood for a few minutes catching his breath. "Or maybe you forgot?" he taunted. "Cuz then I'd need to jog your memory right? And nothing jogs the memory like retracing your steps, right?" There was a note of threatening lunacy in his voice. 

He was glaring over his shoulder at Izaya's near helpless form. It was clear from his body language that he was fully prepared to go through with the threat.

The ravenet flinched and let out an audible whimper; the idea terrifying him thoroughly. "I-I just barely remember thinking something as i was blacking out... b-but i d-didn't think i'd sp-spoken." he stammered frantically.

"i-i just thought... t-that... i-... if i was gonna die anyway... i- i wanted you to know that I don't hate you... i... I love you..." he trailed off and closed his eyes, waiting for the blow to come... he was too terrified to even be embarrassed.

It hit Shizuo harder than any injury he could remember suffering. His breath caught and all he could do was stare wide-eyed at the other. He turned around slowly, breathing heavily. His mind scrambled around for an answer. 

An all too familiar feeling rushed through him. One that he had often buried under layers and layers of rage. His mind worked on reflex, shoving the feeling away with blistering hatred. "My brother, Izaya! My brother hates me because of you!" 

He had him pinned against a wall now. It had taken less than a moment. "I lost my job, my friends, everything! You took them away from me!" He threw Izaya back at his bed. The sensors hooking him up to the machines were all disconnected by now. 

In a blind rage he tore Izaya's gown and underwear away and pinned him down on the bed by shoving his face into it. He wasn't shouting any longer. "Now I'm gonna take whatever the hell I want from you..." He slowly undid his belt and let his pants fall to the floor. He was already hard.

Izaya was unable to track what happened, it was so fast. He heard the words as if they were coming from underwater, in slow motion... and was pinned to the bed before they really registered. Was it really all his fault? he thought vaguely, not even realizing he was naked now, he was so out of it and the pain throbbing through his entire body was quite distracting. 

It was then that he registered the sounds of Shizuo undoing his pants; the sound of fabric flowing to the floor. He gulped, realizing what was going to happen... and all to aware of his inability to stop it. He was certain his heart would stop with terror. 

No... not this way... he was too out of it, too off-guard to not be receptive in this weakened state... He tried to struggle, but he the pain of that movement was too great.

He felt Izaya wriggle underneath him but didn't hesitate. Without warning he thrust himself into Izaya and began fucking him. Hard. The feeling was almost too intense for him to continue. The rush of power, the domination after all these years of hunting him down.

He should have done this from the start, a part of his brain vaguely thought. His pace roughened and he pushed Izaya's head deeper into the mattress. He could feel Izaya spazming, trying vainly to reject him, but it was a useless effort. 

The bed started to move, pushing closer and closer to the wall until it was smashing against it.

The pain intensified, shooting through the ravenet as Shizuo roughly shoved into him and began to violate him. He was suddenly detached from his body, watching this from faraway, as if from another body. He could see him, could see his body bleeding; from his shoulder and his rear; he was silent, beyond pain now as the abuse continued, he could barely breath from the way he was shoved face-first into the bed. 

He gasped for air as Shizuo continued to thrust, getting rougher and rougher. He saw tears flow from his eyes even as he felt them; and something more alarming... he felt the white hot pleasure of reception shoot through him as Shizuo hit that one spot... a tiny dot a pleasure amidst horrendous pain.

One of the machines toppled over from the rapid motion of the bed hitting the wall. The crash was loud enough to be heard throughout the apartment, but Shizuo barely noticed it. He threw his head back and began thrusting even harder and faster than he had before. 

He gave a deep, growling moan and leaned over next to Izaya's face just in time to hear the slightest noise come from him. For some reason that made him hesitate, but only for a moment. He pulled back and thrust into the other with more force than he had before, picking up the same rhythm he had previously been using. He was starting to feel an orgasm building up through the blind rage and sexual ecstasy. 

Without thinking he let go of Izaya's head and instead dug his hands into his hips, forcing him back onto his cock with just as much force as he was using to keep pumping into him. His eyes squeezed shut and he let out a deep moan.

Izaya gasped for breath the moment Shizuo released his hold on his head, unable to stop the blonde as he continued to ravage him, his body flopping about like he was a rag doll. He heard the machine fall, the bed crack, but he was unable to make much sound, he was getting dizzy and felt darkness threatening to fold in on him as his neck jerked wildly. 

He weakly grasped onto the sheets when he could, soft noises of vague pleasure and whimpers of pain tearing from him, both of them in an animalistic state; just opposite ones. Izaya just trying to survive... and Shizuo lost in animalistic rage.

The whimpers only intensified the blazing lust and thrilling domination he was feeling. He kept speeding up, faster and faster. The bed started to crack under the pressure. He felt his orgasm rising with increasing rapidity as he continued to violate Izaya. Somewhere in the back of his head he remembered Shinra, and realized that he might have been woken up by the noise. This only intensified the excitement though. 

Suddenly the feeling increased exponentially. It was like a train hitting him. He squeezed Izaya mercilessly and with an animal yell he finally climaxed. When it was done he stumbled away, all energy draining from his body. He saw the blood and the wreckage he had caused and his mind frantically scrambled. He hit the wall behind him and flattened his hands against it, as if trying to be as far away from what had just happened as possible. 

His eyes went wide with fear as the guilt and realization of what he had just done finally hit him. The feeling he had repressed, covered with rage, and had allowed to explode into this suddenly bubbled to the surface. His heart nearly stopped at the sight of Izaya laying nearly lifelessly on the bed in front of him. The dim light from the few machines left on cast him in an eerie glow. He looked like a corpse, naked and covered in blood with pale skin exposed to the cold of the room. 

"I-Izaya..." He breathed, his hands creeping up to grasp his face. He slid down the wall and sat slumped against it on the floor, cradling his head and unable to look away from what he had just done. 

Izaya slowly came to his senses, his heart pounding, his body shaking and weak as he lie there, hearing Shizuo whisper his name in an almost heart-wrenched tone. He had to be hearing things... the blonde sounded almost horrified and apologetic... He managed to move enough to cover himself with what was left of the blanket, but that was all he could do before the pain became too great and he passed out.

It hit him all at once. Why he had been chasing Izaya. Why he wanted revenge in the first place. He had always loved him. The betrayal of having lost his entire life to him had pushed him into a pursuit for revenge that became more important than the revenge itself. 

His body started to shake and he bolted upright, slamming through the half-open door and into the hallway. He didn't know how he managed to find the bathroom, but he did. He doubled over and vomited full-force into the toilet.

Shinra did stir, but only to the sound of Shizuo wretching. He sat up, moaning as he touched a sizable bump on his head. He didn't seem to be too injured, assessing the damage in a few seconds before he got up and went to the bathroom. "ngh... Shiz-" he stopped dead, seeing the state Shizuo was now in; specks of blood covered the blonde and he was well... without pants. "what did you DO?!" he gasped.

He walked quickly to Izaya's room, not trusting himself to run; even though he wanted to. "oh god dammit Shizuo..." he whispered in horror as he saw the scene. He ran to Izaya and checked his vitals before he did anything else. pulse was weak and erratic, breathing shallow and fast. He growled and shifted the ravenet on the bed till he was on his back, easing him into a more comfortable position before he quickly re-attached all the machines, hooking the painkiller IV into Izaya's shunt that had thankfully not been torn out when the IV tube disconnected.

It took the work of about twenty minutes before he felt it was alright to leave Izaya's side. He was vibrating with rage at the blonde in the bathroom. he walked calmly over to the blonde, when he spoke his voice was dangerous. "You'd better explain right now why the hell you felt it was your obligation to not only deck me into unconsciousness, but also nearly kill my best friend by raping him in his fragile state." 

Now he had to give Izaya a pregnancy test... and hope to god it was negative... because he doubted his friend could live through a pregnancy at that moment... or if he did... the child wouldn't.

He could barely hear Shinra. He was crouched against a wall holding his head in his hands and staring off into space while his mind tried to make sense of what he had just done. He kept seeing Izaya's corpse like body sprawled out over the bed, specked with blood and ravaged almost beyond recognition. 

He kept reliving the blinding rage and ecstasy that had rocketed through him during the act and the unrelenting guilt that followed. His lips murmured every few seconds, though even he didn't know what he was saying. When Shinra left he felt more bile rise up in him and he vomited again. Thankfully he was emptied by the time the doctor returned. 

He couldn't answer him. He couldn't even find the words to try and make sense of what had happened. He just knelt there, crouched over the toilet bowl staring into the filthy vomit he had just produced. He felt a numbness creep up on him and tried to fight it. "Is...he alright?" he managed to cough out. His voice was broken. None of the violent flair he usually possessed was evident. When he looked back at Shinra his eyes were unfocused. 

Right about now, the idea of getting shot didn't seem all that bad.

Shinra heard the broken tone in Shizuo's voice and despite everything his anger began to dissolve. He went and sat beside Shizuo. "he'll live." he said shortly. "why, do you suddenly care?" he asked. Okay maybe the anger wasn't completely gone yet. 

Why did he suddenly care? Shizuo knew why. He knew damn well why, and he always had. Didn't help him now though, and he hadn't the strength to say it anyway. 

He sighed. "my problem is this;" Shinra said conversationally. "because you're a complete moron, not only is Izaya in critical condition, possibly a coma... but now i have to administer a pregnancy test." he moved to lean against the wall. "and if it's positive, there is a large chance that both him and the child will be lost." 

He knew Shizuo hadn't a clue about the fact that Shinra's father was an idiot who had experimented on Izaya in his childhood... and being in such a weakened state... would make him receptive to that experimentation activating at an enhanced level.

Shinra's ridiculing was completely lost on him. It paled in comparison to what he thought of himself now. A rapist. He could handle being a menace to society, a walking damage to public property waiting to happen, hell even a murderer.

But this was someone's mind he had broken this time. That was something deeper and much more sadistic than he thought himself capable of. He couldn't think of himself as anything short of a monster. He was supposed to be a fucking pacifist. 

Shinra's conversational tone cut him like a knife. The contrast between it and the inner horror he was experiencing was harshness he hadn't felt before. The shock from it was nowhere near the shock he got from hearing the word "pregnancy" though. His head bolted upright and he stared dead-eyed at Shinra unblinkingly. 

"Pregnancy...test?" his confusion was more than evident in his tone. Izaya was a man, just like he was. Which meant that was god-damned impossible. Was Shinra making fun of the situation? "You sick bastard..." he shook his head. He knew he deserved it, but making fun of either of them right now just seemed too taboo.

Shinra growled. "do i sound like I'm joking you great blond boob?" he asked sharply. "haven't you ever wondered WHY Izaya is the way he is? why he is so terrified about letting anyone close to him? I'm not the sick bastard, I've cared for him all these years to make sure his body has been stable because of what my father did to him; what his parents LET him do just for a bit of cash because they were so poor. Izaya-" his voice cut off for a moment. "Izaya has the ability to become with child... and because of you..." he broke off. "I have to go check on him." he said, getting up and leaving the room. 

He walked to Izaya's room and looked in. he gazed at the machines. He couldn't perform the test till Izaya woke... or 24 hours after the sexual encounter... whichever came first. He noted with some relief that Izaya's vital signs had stabilized and he seemed to have slipped into sleep, and faded out of unconsciousness.


	5. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo feels like shit about what he did, but when Izaya regains consciousness will Izaya make him feel worse? Or will the Informant surprise him yet again?

To describe what he had just been told as earth-shattering would have been an understatement. He had thought before now that he had encountered everything strange that could be encountered. Celty had been, to him at least, the final testament to the world's strangeness. All he could do was blink and listen until the realization of the depth of his act hit him full force again. This time even more so for the knowledge he'd been allowed. 

When Shinra stood to leave Shizuo made himself follow. With or without the others' permission. He had to make sure for himself that Izaya was still alive. Thankfully Shinra had hooked him back up to the machines, which showed (as far as he could tell) that he was in a stable condition. He let out a shuddering breath and propped himself up against the wall. There was a chair in the room. Without thinking he shuffled over to his pants, put them back on, and fell into the chair. 

He stared unblinkingly at Izaya. It was clear from looking at him that no force short of lethality would move him from that spot.

Shinra watched Shizuo shuffle about like a zombie and leaned against the door jamb. do i dare leave him alone with him? he thought. _He looks remorseful... but god knows what would happen if Izaya were to wake up and the first person he sees is Shizuo... he'll go into cardiac arrest if i'm not here as well._

He sighed and left the room, only to return with another chair. They sat there in silence for a while, till Shinra ended up nodding off to the rythmic beep of the EKG machine.

Morning came and Shizuo still hadn't had any sleep. There were slight dark circles under his wide eyes. Bee-Beep...Bee-Beep...Bee-Beep...That sound had accompanied his thoughts throughout the night, and had been just as unceasing. He had decided somewhere in the maelstrom of remorse and fear that he needed to talk to Izaya. Before last night the thought would have made his blood boil. Now it was something to hold on to. Something to look forward to even. 

He couldn't be sure what kind of action Shinra would take against him, legal or otherwise. Whatever it was, he was already convinced that he deserved it. But not until after he had spoken with Izaya. No force in this world or any other would stop him from that. 

Shinra had fallen asleep somewhere halfway through the night. Izaya hadn't stirred throughout it. Not a single muscle, aside from breathing. Strangely enough, that made matters even worse. He had fallen asleep facing away from the two of them. Shizuo had to bite back the urge to walk over to him and examine his face. For whatever reason. Maybe to see if he was alright? He didn't know. 

Sunlight was creeping in through the windows, casting away the eerie light of the machines and thankfully adding some much-needed color to Izaya's skin. The parts that weren't bloodied or bruised were almost...beautiful? That was probably the lack of sleep talking. Or worse, some kind of fixation. He'd seen it happen before. Some clients got so attached to what they bought that they'd stare at the broken pieces of it for hours and hours after Shizuo was done with it. 

Kind of ironic in a sick way now that he thought about it.

Shinra remained fast asleep as the sun came up, but Izaya began to stir. He let out a soft moan as his eyes fluttered, eventually fluttering open. He saw Shinra, asleep on the chair near him. heard the steady beeping and figured he'd been re-hooked up to the machines. then his gaze landed on Shizuo and the night before came flooding back; he tensed up and his heartbeat increased instantly. the effort it was taking to try not to panic was distracting him from the fact that Shizuo looked utterly beaten sitting there like that.

When Izaya's eyes met his, everything in him froze. The guilt, the self-loathing. Everything. He just stopped functioning completely. All that mattered was that Izaya could wake up and look at him after what had happened. He was alright. They could talk. 

Outside he could hear the sounds of the city's daylight crowds waking up. 

He stared back at Izaya wordlessly for as long as he could manage. Eventually he was overwhelmed and was forced to look away, breaking the eye contact. It allowed his mind time to wake up again. He couldn't think of anything to say. Anything that could be said. What he did was unthinkable, and nothing could take it back. Even if he couldn't fix it though, he could apologize. 

"Izaya..." his voice was hoarse and alien, "I'm so sorry..." even with the complete lack of tone, the emotion was still heavy on his voice. He closed his eyes and shuddered. There. He said all he could, and all he should be allowed to. He stood up and made towards the door.

The tormented tone of Shizuo's voice cut through his panic and terror like a knife and he suddenly was able to see the fact that Shizuo was defeated. He looked so tired, so torn... so upset. His gaze softened, the EKG machine slowed as he calmed down. He watched as the blonde moved to leave the room. "wait!" a soft cry; the word out of his mouth before he knew what he was doing. 

The apology, whether it was enough to Shizuo... it was exactly what Izaya had always wanted to hear, but had never dreamed of hearing. the look of torment on the blonde's face... he was clearly feeling horrid for what he'd done... whether it was the rape or the bodily injury, he didn't care... Shizuo had apologized... and that meant everything to him.

He stopped. Izaya's voice was barely audible, but it was there. He turned around slowly to make sure he hadn't been hearing things. Their eyes met again and he was frozen. His heart stopped for a moment while he briefly considered whether or not he should leave. Izaya could just be delirious after all.

But even if he was, he couldn't deny him anything now. He walked back over to the chair and fell down into it.

He let out a weak cough and just watched Shizuo as he flopped back in the chair. "Shizuo.." he said again, his voice a bit stronger now. He was a bit surprised and confused at the completely defeated manner in which the blonde was behaving... after all... usually Shizuo wanted nothing more than to throw things at him... was what happened last night... 

And then it hit him. His eyes widened. Shizuo had forced himself on him... and he'd been in such a weakened state... it had likely rendered him receptive. He let out a low moan and closed his eyes. He had a hunch as to why Shizuo was behaving like this now... Shinra had probably told him everything when he'd found out. He could feel his cheeks heating up.

Well, it looked like he figured it out. Seemed kinda strange that he would be the last one clued in on the horrifying news. All Shizuo could do was sit and wait for him to continue. Normally he wouldn't be able to sit still long enough for this to play out, but this was more than an exceptional occurrence. The silence dragged on painfully for what felt like hours. A clock on a nearby machine showed that not even a minute had passed. Despite himself, Shizuo couldn't help but sigh.

The noises outside were starting to pick up. Even this high up they could still hear the sounds of it all.

Izaya sighed and lay back on the bed. "it's useless to be upset." he said quietly. "fact is, I'm glad it was you." he closed his eyes. "if it was to be someone... I'm glad it was you. Even if it does end up costing me my life...at least i can die happy, knowing that your hands were on me in some way other than hatred."

He opened his mouth to say something back but nothing came out. Nothing he could say would really sum up what was going through his head. Confusion, admiration, relief, and about a hundred other things all spiraling off at once. He didn't even know how anyone would respond in his situation. 

He did know that he couldn't let what Izaya said happen though. He wouldn't let him die. No matter what he had to break through or stand against, he wasn't about to let his mistake cost the man his life. 

"You won't die. I won't let you. You don't deserve to." He said through gritted teeth. The resolute look on his face left nothing to question in his statement. "I'm not going to let you, and neither are you. Not until we figure this out or you actually deserve to."

His eyes opened and he gazed at Shizuo in surprise. "i never expected to hear something like that from you, Shizu-chan." he admitted quietly. "to hear you tell me you won't let me die... you can't fight mortality, Shizuo... but to hear that you actually want me around... it gives me strength." 

He closed his eyes again. "to think that this all started when you had an attack of conscience and couldn't leave me to die in an alley... I should have known then, Shizu-chan... I should have known that you didn't want to let me go."

"The hell I can't..." Shizuo mumbled childishly back at him. Without thinking he responded on reflex to being called Shizu-chan. "I told you not to call me that." he said without thinking. Surprisingly, it helped to alleviate some of the tension practically clogging the room up. 

He couldn't say much of anything to disagree with the rest of it. It was true, for the most part. Izaya was doing enough explaining for the both of them on that bit.

Something pinged about what Shizuo had said a few moments before. "i don't deserve to die?" he said, reacting belatedly to the comment, then again, with all the information he was sifting through, plus being out of it due to pain medications.. who could really blame him?

"it's funny you would say something like that." he said quietly. "considering you tell me i deserve to be beaten down and destroyed all the time." He closed his eyes again. "Shizu-ch... Shizuo... tell me why." he said. "why did you save me in that alley... why... Why did you let me live after you ... came onto me in my weakened state? Why are you suddenly defending my right to live and trying to assure i won't die now?" 

He had a point; a right to ask those questions.

He didn't really know how to put it into words. Words had always been his brother's strong point. Especially now, after a sleepless night of absolute horror, he couldn't find words easy to work with. He opened his mouth to say something, and shut it again. This happened about three times before his brain put together something that sounded almost alright. 

"I didn't know why I wanted to kill you. Now I do, and I don't want to anymore." Yeah, really charismatic there..."Shit...I mean...shit..." he was getting frustrated and had to push some of his now matted hair off of his forehead. "I guess I was lying to myself for a while and just forgot why. And this happened because of it." his voice just about broke at the end of the sentence. "It's my fault this happened and I'm going to fix it." He finished simply. All of it sounded stupid as hell when he said it out loud. Way to go. 

He didn't notice it, but he was blushing.

He watched at Shizuo stumbled and generally got flustered trying to explain. He purred softly and motioned Shizuo to come closer to him, seeing that Shinra was beginning to stir. "c'mere." he said. "quickly and quietly." 

Shizuo stood up and walked over. After sitting for so long and only moving a little that morning, his bones ached and his joints cried out in protest. He heard several parts of him crack and pop.

When Shizuo was close enough Izaya grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him close, kissing him sweetly. "you don't have to explain any further." he whispered against the blonde's lips. "I understand."

He expected Izaya to slap him, scold him, anything but kiss him. When it happened his breath caught in his throat. All at once the guilt, hatred, and worry disappeared. He was caught in a sort of mindless comfort, even if it only lasted for a moment. He had to focus for a few seconds afterwards to catch what Izaya was saying. 

The sight that met Shinra's eyes as he opened them was one that made him close his eyes again instantly and then open them, blinking rapidly and then rubbing them. He opened his mouth but couldn't say anything.

Izaya saw Shinra moving out of the corner of his eye and let go of Shizuo, turning his head to look at the doctor. "spit it out." he said calmly, as if Shinra waking to see him kissing Shizuo was the most normal thing in the world. 

"am i still asleep?" Shinra managed after a few more seconds.

"no. now do me a favor and get me something to eat." said Izaya calmly.

At the mention of food Shizuo realized that he hadn't eaten anything in well over 24 hours. His stomach spoke up loudly. "Yeah, me too." he said. A little bit of himself was starting to creep back into his voice, but the tone was still hollow throughout. It would probably take a little while for the shock to wear off and for him to properly deal with it. 

Like anything though, he would probably meet it with raw force of willpower until it went away. His heart was still pounding from the kiss. He vaguely wondered why he hadn't given in and gone for this from the beginning. It was much more satisfying than blood-lust and chases to the death.

Shinra sighed and figured it was safe enough to leave the two alone for five minutes while he scrounged up some food, considering he'd woken to them kissing... he was still reeling from that fact as he left and went to the kitchen, shaking his head.

Izaya gazed at Shizuo. "so what now?" he asked quietly.


	6. Test Results

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welp. The results of the pregnancy test are in.
> 
> (in which I fail once again at chapter summaries lol)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't been updating as much as I want to. I have a very special friend coming into town from VERY long distance. Not updating my stories is driving me insane, but I managed this at least. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Shizuo turned and walked away to grab the chair and drag it back over with him. He sat...well more or less fell into the chair. The sunlight poking through the blinds cast the room in a brilliant golden light. It was peaceful enough for Shizuo's eyes to get distracted watching dust motes float around. 

"You know...I never thought about it. Guess I finally caught you." He was smiling despite himself. Years wasted chasing him for reasons he refused to admit to himself, never really understanding why he kept it up. Now it was over, and he didn't know what to do about it. "I don't know what now." He leaned in towards Izaya and kissed him again. It was every bit as sweet as the first time.

Shinra reappeared then with sandwiches. "I'll tell you both what's going to happen." he said calmly. "if Izaya is pregnant, you, Shizuo, are going to be a daddy and have to take care of both of them while Izaya carries the child and then you will have to care for the child once it is born while Izaya finishes healing." 

Izaya blushed. "I-..." "now." Shinra said, shoving the food at the two of them. "I'm going to draw the blood and do a pregnancy test. you two are going to eat and continue to get along. am I understood?" he said as he pulled out a vial and took the blood out of the IV.

"I feel sorry for the kid already." He said ruefully and leaned back to let Shinra have enough space to work. He reached out and grabbed a bit of the food, demolishing it in less than a second. It was only a simple sandwich but he could have sworn it was one of the best things he had ever eaten. He mentally scolded himself for going so long without food. His metabolism was kicking his ass for it. 

He didn't answer Shinra's little 'am I understood' comment. He still didn't quite have the strength to. He reached out and grabbed another piece of toast. His heart was beating rather rapidly. What if Izaya really was pregnant? Disregarding the fact that such a thing should be impossible, what did that mean for him?

Izaya ate in silence, letting Shinra do as he needed to, trying not to look at the needle. 

Shinra returned about ten minutes later, the time going by rather quickly as Izaya focused on the food, since he hadn't eaten in a while, his body was starving as well as exhausted. 

Shinra's face was unreadable, and Izaya too distracted to really say anything or even notice the doctor had returned, so he handed the paper to Shizuo. 

Under a lot of technical jargon and a graph only Shinra could probably read, there was the unmistakeable word. 

**Test Result:** POSITIVE.

Shizuo continued eating, completely oblivious as to what was going on. He paid little attention to Shinra or his paper until he caught site of the last two words. He stopped eating and just stared at the two of them for a few moments while it dawned on him. He was going to be...a father? He wasn't even sure how to feel. 

After all, the child was conceived out of a violent and misguided act. He didn't know if he could even handle being a father. A million thoughts started rampaging through his head. What if he was dangerous to the child? What did that mean to him and his job? How the hell would he and Izaya even function as parents? He let his head fall down into his hands and tangled his fingers up in his hair in an attempt to get a calm thought in. He took a deep breath. 

"Well shit."

Izaya glanced over at the vocalization, blinking at Shinra. "what?" he asked, oblivious.

Shinra looked at Izaya. "test was positive, Izaya." he said quietly.

Izaya blinked, then closed his eyes and he leaned back, sighing and his hand drifted down to his abdomen. He was... pregnant... The gravity of that added to his injuries made him terrified of what would happen to him... them... 

He couldn't' speak, his eyes fluttered open to look at Shizuo. He half-hoped the man would stay... and take responsibility... but he wouldn't force him... If he cared enough to offer... Izaya wasn't entirely sure he'd say yes anyway. 

Yes they'd shared that sweet kiss... but everything else... they had a lot to work out before this kid came into the world.

He could see the concern on Izaya's face. He had to speak up and say something. Couldn't just let him sit there and sweat it out. He pushed himself up out of the chair and flopped down next to Izaya on the bed. He reached over and ran a finger through his hair. 

"Before you even ask, yes. I'm staying." He had a rueful grin on his face. "I can't just pussy out of something like this." He turned to look at Shinra seriously. He had a lot of questions to ask about what to expect. He was sure Izaya had some sort of idea, it being his body and all. Shizuo was completely lost. 

"Come on." he commanded and made his leave from the room.

Izaya blinked and closed his eyes, watching the two of them leave. It was just as well, he could feel a nap coming on anyway.

Shinra let Shizuo lead him to the living room and flopped onto the couch. "what is it, Shizuo." he muttered, massaging his temples. He still had a nice shiner from Shizuo punching him out the night before... and it was beginning to manifest into a headache now that the adrenaline from his shock at what Shizuo had done was fading away. "ngh... dammit you really walloped me good."

Shizuo sat down opposite Shinra and disregarded his comment. This was a weird topic. He couldn't even think of where to start with the questions, there were so many of them. How long was it going to take? Would Izaya get sick? Could he even handle childbirth? Could Shizuo handle taking care of him? He shook his head and tried to gather his thoughts. 

He guessed the best place to start would be "How long will it last?"

Shinra sighed and dug in his pocket for some Tylenol. "You're not going to like the answer." he said as he found it, shaking out four of the pills and dry swallowing them. 

He looked at Shizuo. "If you want me to tell you specifics, I will. I understand this is a huge thing to deal with... but you brought it on yourself. you already promised Izaya, so me telling you all this changes nothing but your view on things." 

He looked at his hands. "the truth is, I don't know how long gestation will be, I don't know how this will affect his body, I don't ..." he sighed. "all I know is that we will have to do a C-Section for the birth. I- I don't even know if he can survive the pregnancy... particularly with these injuries already." 

"If I planned on leaving I wouldn't bother asking in the first place." he remarked sourly. His face fell as he listened. He had to find a way to fix this. There had to be something, anything, that could help with the situation. 

He didn't know shit about medicine though, so he wasn't even certain how a few broken bones and a stab wound to the shoulder could complicate a pregnancy; assuming there was no internal bleeding or damages. The injuries were probably a lot worse than he thought they were. He glanced towards the door, still thinking his brains out. This was his fault. It was his responsibility to fix it. How in the hell could he though?

Shinra could see the cogs turning in Shizuo's mind. "listen. I know you're grasping at straws right now, Shizuo." he said softly. "you need some sleep. All I can do is tell you this. Help me. I'll tell you what to do, and you do it. It's the best way of making you feel better I think, to be active. but you're no help to anyone at all if you're exhausted. I need to see to this eye, Izaya I believe fell asleep, and you need sleep. so either you go to sleep willingly or I drug you."

A yawn escaped him despite his resistance to it. "Well, when you ask so nicely..." he stood up and gave another look at Izaya's room. Maybe the doctor was right. He couldn't really do shit if he didn't sleep at all. Though what kind of sleep he expected to get after what had happened in the past few hours was a mystery. He started shuffling towards his bedroom. He was glad that he hadn't decided to destroy anything in it. He would be staying there for a good while longer than he expected now. He shook his head and opened the door. The bed was the most inviting thing he'd ever seen. He didn't lay down so much as fall face first into it. He was out cold as soon as he shut his eyes. 

All throughout the day he flitted between periods of deep undisturbed sleep and fits of nightmarish half awareness. He broke out in cold sweats during the fits and felt paralyzed. Images of the previous night flashed behind his eyes during the deep sleep. When he finally woke up he was on the floor next to the sheets and pillow. His head was pounding and his entire body was sore. There wasn't even a small moment to think before the events of before came rushing back in.

During the time Shizuo and Izaya both slept, Shinra took care of his own injuries, changed Izaya's bandages, checked the stitches, and performed an ultrasound to attempt assess how quickly the gestation was going. He was honestly shocked at the result. In 24 hours time since conception he was able to tell that there were two of them... and if that wasn't enough of a shock, they appeared to be about two weeks along. 

He sat down in the living room staring at a printout of the ultrasound as Izaya still slept in his room.

Shizuo stumbled out of the room holding his head. It felt like if he let go of it, it would crack in half and his mind would fall out. He shook himself to get some blood flowing. Bad idea for his headache. He was hungry again too. 

If he remembered correctly, his room wasn't too far from the kitchen. He shambled over to it and opened the fridge. It was full of expensive shit he didn't know how to make. Perfect. His face fell. He rummaged around in the cupboards and managed to find a can of soup. He ripped off the top of it and started downing it cold. He walked out into the living room with the torn cup in one hand and his head in the other. 

Shinra was still there. "Anything yet?" he asked, kind of afraid of the answer. He took another sip of the soup.

Shinra jumped. "oh... you're up." he said distractedly. "yes... something..." he squinted at the half-mangled soup can in Shizuo's hand. "you know you could have asked me, I'd have made something for you." he said tiredly, clearly worn out. 

He set the printout down and leaned forward, rubbing his eyes and fighting back a yawn. "ngh... I need a nap... but first... I need to instru-yawn-ct you on how to care for Izaya... provided you can with the news I-yawn- have for you."

He took another sip. Even cold it was still the best thing he'd had in days. Hospital food sucked, eating just that little sandwich was worse. As far as he was concerned, cold soup was satisfying enough. He eyed the printout that Shizuo had laid on the table. He had never been too certain on how to read the damn things but he could almost swear...

"Make it quick and get some sleep." he commanded. He would be no good to anyone playing doctor. He returned his gaze to the paper. He must be misreading it. Or mistaking something on it for a kid. Not that karma didn't owe him a kick to the dick, it just didn't seem possible.

"sit down. you'll be down fast enough when I tell you." he said, not really noticing Shizuo glancing at the printout. He waited till Shizuo was seated before continuing. "I ran numerous tests, did the ultrasound four times... far as i can tell, you're having twins... and that's not all.. their developmental age is around the two week mark. he's going faster than I expected."

At the word "twins" his hands went straight through the can, causing the soup to explode all over him and the couch. He just stared dumbfounded at Shinra. But there was more. Apparently the pregnancy was happening quickly too. The can was crushed to roughly the size of a marble. His heart was racing so fast he was sure he could fall over dead any second.

He was on his feet in a moment, and without thinking ran a fist through the coffee table. It splintered and broke in half. "Twins!? How in the hell does that even work!? And how long until they're here!?" His hands were on his head now and he was pacing back and forth quickly. "Does Izaya know? How is he going to survive twins? If he does, how the hell do I raise two kids!?"

Shinra leaned back, didn't even flinch at the explosion of soup, the destruction of the table. he was too tired. for it. "calm down. breathe." he heard himself say. "Cmon' Shizuo... calm down." he closed his eyes. "I don't know how things like this work, alright? I'm learning as I go. No he doesn't know, he's sleeping. I'm not sure, but if he's developing this fast, it's likely his duration will be around two to three months, if that." he said, feeling himself slipping away despite trying to fight it and calm Shizuo down. "if Izaya wakes, get him something to eat... don't tell him..y-..."

He somehow noticed the lack of opposing noise against his outburst and stopped just in time to hear Shinra tell him not to let Izaya in on the news yet. "Don't tell him..? But they're his-" But Shinra couldn't hear him. The man was already out. He sighed and looked down at the bit of destruction he had caused. He was sure Izaya had the money to buy a new coffee table, but he needed to change into something that was less covered in soup. Once back in his room and changed he set about waiting for Izaya to wake up. 

He was nervous as hell to face him though. What if the day's sleep hadn't treated him well? What if he woke up and realized how messed up this all was and wanted to press charges? Not like he wouldn't deserve it. He shook his head and sighed. The least he could do would be cook him some breakfast. He was probably starving, what with feeding two quickly growing children. He wandered back out into the kitchen and started gathering whatever he knew how to cook. Pasta...toast...shit from a can...whatever he could find.

Izaya began to stir and he woke up to pleasant aromas drifting around his nose. His stomach was growling. "ngh... Shinra?" he called drowsily, wondering where Shizuo was... He expected the blonde to be asleep, after all the activity last night. in fact, he thought both should be asleep... but then who was cooking?

"Shizu-chan? Shinra?" he called, a bit louder this time, waking up a bit more. He remembered everything... but for some reason the one thing he couldn't get out of his head was actually the sweet kisses he'd stolen from Shizuo... and Shizuo's promise to not leave him.

"Just stay in bed!" Shizuo's voice floated in from the kitchen. Well, crashed really. "And keep quiet, Shinra's sleeping." It didn't really occur to him that yelling might be counter-intuitive in that regard. He had a heaping pile of noodles topped with various meats and vegetables steaming on the counter next to him. He was just about done making Izaya's breakfast. All he needed to finish was the eggs and toast. 

"I'll bring it in a second." He called again. With the cooking done he balanced the plates as best he could on his arms and started the long walk over to the room. It took more luck than he thought he had, but he managed to get there without spilling too much of it. He had to use his foot to nudge the door open, but the look on Izaya's face would be more than worth the effort, he was sure.

"wasn't planning on getting up." muttered Izaya as he shifted in the bed. His stomach growled loudly. that food smelled good.

He looked up as Shizuo stumbled into the room with the food and had to smile. The man was covered in noodles and splattered remnants of ingredients that he'd been working with, and he looked damn proud of himself as he put the food in front of him. 

He bit back a soft chuckle as he gazed at Shizuo standing there like a 9 year old who'd just given his mother a meal burned to a crisp because he'd cooked it himself. In truth the food looked amazing. "thanks." he said with a smile in his face. "care to join me? i won't be able to eat this all myself." he said softly.

"It's probably better if you do." Shizuo said without thinking. He shut his mouth and blinked a few times, hoping that Izaya wasn't feeling too perceptive. "I'm hungry though, so sure." he picked up the fork and shoveled a bit of the noodles into his mouth, then replaced it back on the plate. He leaned over across the mountain of food ad kissed Izaya's forehead. It didn't feel too hot, which he guessed was good.

He raised his eyebrow at Shizuo's first comment, but didn't say anything. He took a bite and smiled. "you're a good cook." he said to the blonde as he started eating more. The food was good, and he was starving. 

He barely noticed when Shizuo shifted and kissed his forehead. He just continued eating. "so uh..." he said quietly after his stomach wasn't protesting nearly as much as it had been. "I know you want to step up and take this seriously... so... how would you like that room you're staying in...to be yours permanently?" 

His cheeks were pink; was he really asking Shizuo to move in with him permanently?

Shizuo smiled bashfully and scratched the back of his head. "It's just a bunch of noodles, nothing special." He'd never been told he was a good cook before. It was kind of flattering. When he looked back the food was almost halfway gone already. He had to fight back the urge to stare blindly at how quickly Izaya's little body was putting away that much food. Shinra really wasn't kidding. It looked like he was eating enough for three people, at least. That was good though. Being able to eat that much that quickly meant that he and the children were healthy enough to need nutrition. 

The question caught him off guard. He hadn't thought about leaving since he had been told what was happening. It hadn't occurred to him as a real option. Now that he put some thought to it the idea was...well it was depressing. And kind of disgusting. He shook his head.

"I'm not going anywhere, so that'd have to happen whether you offered or not." He noticed the slight blush on Izaya's cheeks and felt his face take on a similar shade.

Izaya finished the food in record time, then looked at the plates, then to Shizuo. "well. i guess i could eat all of that." he said, looking slightly bewildered. He suppressed a burp and blushed. 

"well, what i meant by that room becoming yours permanently... i meant you could... you know... bring all your stuff from your apartment... if you wanted to... I mean..." He looked down at his lap and fidgeted a bit. "so... i assume Shinra did some tests, considering the ultrasound machine is set up near me. did he tell you anything interested before he nodded off?" 

Honestly he could hear the snores from here. Poor Shinra, up all night... the man deserved some rest.  
"Well I'm not just going to leave my shit at my old place for no reason." he replied, a little perplexed as to why Izaya was being so fidgety. It was adorable though. 

He wasn't expecting Izaya to hop onto the subject so quickly, and was caught off guard for a few seconds. He was sure the perceptive man could detect it, but he had no choice but to deny knowing anything. Shinra had asked him to after all. It was the least he could do for Shinra after all this. 

"No. Nothing at all. Uh-uh." he smiled nervously and scratched the back of his head.

He sighed, looking nonplussed. "I'm not stupid. I can tell when other people are lying. But i also know that you feel so bad about this whole thing that the only reason you'd lie to me is if Shinra told you to." 

Honestly the reason he was so fidgety and blushing so much was that in reality, when it came down to being himself... trusting someone else... living with someone else... he was clueless as to how to act. At work and out in public he was supposed to be a jackass. The truth was, he was really nothing like that. 

It was so hard to trust someone else. He supposed he would try and deal with it. For the child's sake.  
He just stared at Izaya wide eyed. How...in the fuck..? He shook his head. All of it was true, so there wouldn't be a point in arguing. He'd probably just see that one coming too. He looked like he was contemplating something. Whatever it was, it looked like he was worried about it. Shizuo stood up and walked over to the bed, flopping down on it next to Izaya. He nonchalantly put an arm around the other. This...well it felt right. It was just going to take some getting used to. 

He looked over and kissed the others' cheek.

Izaya leaned against him unconsciously. Shizuo being there made him feel... safe...somehow. After all that food he was a bit sleepy, but eventually he relaxed enough to lower his guard a bit.

"Shizu-chan." he said softly. "I'm no good at this." he sighed and snuggled a bit closer. "I mean... at work... in public... people expect me to be the uncaring asshole. I- That's not really the way I am... I can read people, yes... but actually interacting and having friends... it's a miracle that Shinra cares about me so much... then again... the man just never gives up." he sighed again. "I don't know how to be friends, to let anyone close... I was hurt so much as a child... I just... it's hard to lower my guard to let anyone in... that's why I - went after you the way i did. What i was going to do... to say... right before the end there... It was what I've wanted to say to you for a long time. I'm having a hard time even now... I don't know how this will work... bu-but... i want to try."

His eyelids began to droop. "Being in your arms... feels... right..." he said drowsily. "I think... If we really try... we can... do.. this..." he stopped talking as he drifted off to sleep.

Before he could say anything Izaya had already fallen asleep. So he just lay there, awake and mind buzzing with what he'd just heard. He mulled it over as much as he could stand to. In a way it was comforting to know that he wasn't the only one with repressed feelings. Or rather, misrepresented ones. He reached over and ran his fingers through Izaya's hair. He had no idea why he felt the need to be so damned affectionate, even under the circumstances. It wasn't normally like him. But then, nothing about this was familiar to him at all, so that hardly made a difference.

He sighed and laid back on the bed, slowly easing Izaya down with him until they were both laying together. He looked peaceful when he was sleeping. Most of Shizuo's memories of the guy had him with that taunting grin on his face, or some other act of degradation. Now, asleep and holding onto him, Izaya took on a complete different outlook. Shizuo smiled. Somehow it made him feel special, that he was in on it while everyone else only saw Izaya's asshole side.

The sun was going down by the time Shinra woke up. Izaya began to stir at that same moment, though feeling Shizuo's arms around made him not want to move at all. He let out a soft noise of contentment and just lay there, barely remembering his confession from earlier. 

Shinra yawned and stretched, getting up off the couch, nearly tripping over the broken coffee table and going into the bathroom to use it and splash his face with cold water. He sighed and stared at himself. He was a wreck. he desperately needed a shower. Things were quiet enough... maybe he could get away with taking one. He shrugged and went into his room to grab clean clothing and returned to the bathroom.

He was just about half asleep himself from not doing anything when he felt Izaya stir. He looked over at him. He was awake, but he wasn't moving around much. Probably still tired. Knowing that it wouldn't wake him up now, he pulled the other closer and kissed him deeply. The way the others' soft body felt against his was relaxing, and coaxed a loving nature out of him. "Sleep well?" His voice was a little crackly from not using it for a few hours. He heard some movement from outside the room and assumed that Shinra must be up and about. Didn't really matter though. He was sure the doctor would come in and give them more shocking news or whatever soon enough.

His eyes flew open at the kiss. "ngh..." when he pulled away from it he was honestly breathless, and his elevated heart rate was read clearly on the heart monitor. "Sh-Shizuo..." he whispered softly, his stomach doing a nervous flutter. Or was that morning sickness... he really didn't want to throw up now... the moment was so sweet. 

Something.. something had changed between them since breakfast. He liked it, for whatever reason. "yeah..." he said quietly. "did you sleep?" he asked, also hearing Shinra moving around. then he heard the shower start up and smiled. they'd be left alone together for a while longer.

He didn't look too well. That couldn't be good. He didn't act on it though so Shizuo decided not to worry. The adorable look of surprise on his face was good enough. He could really get used to this. He shook his head when asked if he had slept. "No. I slept enough earlier." He noticed the smile playing across Izaya's face. What was he thinking? He arched an eyebrow, as if to ask the question out loud.

He reached over and pulled Izaya closer by the waist. His stomach was starting to distend rather noticeably. It was definitely one of the most unique things Shizuo had ever seen.

Izaya purred and nestled into Shizuo's arms. "something changed between us." he said softly. "i like it." he looked up at Shizuo and noticed the Blonde's attention was lower on his body. He was almost afraid to look, but he did, and nearly gasped when he saw the slight curve of his abdomen. It wasn't THAT noticeable, but it was clearly there. his hand drifted down to gently touch it, hesitating as if he was afraid. 

And he was. he was trembling visibly, his heart rate speeding up even more now... this time with fear. what was going to happen to him? would he survive this? would the child survive this? His grip on Shizuo got a bit tighter and he let out a barely audible whimper. 

"Me too." Shizuo admitted. Izaya was right, something had changed between them. Obviously. Just yesterday if he would have found himself in a bed next to the guy, the entire house would have been demolished in minutes. This was a lot more enjoyable than a demolished house.

He pulled Izaya's face so that he could look him in the eye. "Hey now." His tone had a note of sternness to it. "Stop. Shinra's gonna take care of it, and I won't let him fuck it up. Besides..." He put his hand on Izaya's stomach. "Worrying isn't good for them." He realized a few seconds later what he had said and looked away out of embarrassment. Maybe he hadn't noticed that last bit?  
It took a few seconds, but the ears of an informant missed nothing, even in his strained state. His eyes widened and he opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was a strangled squeak. 

he cleared his throat and tried again. "pardon me, but... did you say... them?" he asked, surprised that his voice wasn't shaking as bad as his body now was. his heart-rate went up even more now and his breath was coming in short quick gasps.

He grasped Shizuo's shirt tightly and desperately gazed into his eyes. "Sh-shizuo...please tell me there's only one." he begged. "please..." he knew the survival rate for all three of them had just dropped to about 40 percent... but he doubted that Shinra had told Shizuo that particular fact. the idea left him in a state of shrieking terror.


	7. Coping .... sorta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More stuff happens. XD

All he could do was stare back just as wide-eyed as he was being stared at. His breath caught. What the fuck had he said that for? the EKG machine was going wild and Izaya was shaking. He didn't know what the fuck to do and he could feel a panic starting up. He needed to get them both calmed down before either of them started freaking out and someone ended up hurt. He put both hands around Izaya's face and held him there for a second while he took a few deep breaths. "Izaya. Calm. The hell. Down." He was looking him straight in the eye the entire time. Unblinking and unmoving.

He took a few deep breaths and tried to calm down. It wasn't easy, but slowly the monitor stopped beeping annoyingly and went back to semi-regular. he was still shaking, but he was a bit more calm. "Shizuo." he said softly. "my survival rate just went down forty percent." he whispered softly. "don't let me die. please...." 

Presented with his own mortality... it was something he wasn't prepared for... and wasn't ready at all for. He didn't want to go. he didn't want to kill the children... but he didn't want to die a bit more than that, selfish as the thought was. 

Shinra was drying himself off in the bathroom when the machine started beeping like mad, but the fan was on, so the doctor didn't hear a thing.

Shizuo sighed in relief. At least Izaya wasn't freaking out any more and Shinra hadn't burst through the door yet. 

"Didn't plan on it." he reassured him. This all still left a sixty percent survival rate. That was more than good enough for him to keep at it. If any doctor could make sure this went perfectly, it was Shinra. And if he wasn't good enough, Shizuo would tear the city apart to find someone who was. "It might be different anyway. We just have to ask Shinra."

Izaya shook his head. "no, Shizuo." he said softly. "being pregnant at all lowers my survival rate 40 percent. having two lowers it another 40. my survival rate is at 20 percent... 30 at best." he said, trying to stay calm. "Shinra is the best there is... if anyone can keep me alive... it's him." 

He was still trembling, his heartbeat was a bit erratic but steady. He knew Shinra would be in soon, but the good doctor was probably getting dressed.

If any number had ever scared the hell out of him, it was that one right there. Thirty at best. He took a shuddering breath. At least Izaya was trusting Shinra. Izaya always seemed to know exactly what was happening, and how to handle it, so it would have to be good enough for him. He pushed any other questions to the back of his head, including his nagging inability to handle what would happen if the pregnancy cost Izaya his life. All he could do was pull Izaya in a little closer and try to calm those trembling hands of his.

He could see how shaken Shizuo got at that revelation, and curled up into his arms as best he could. "I'll be alright... i have you ... and Shinra... don't worry Shizu-chan... everything will be alright. you'll see." 

Shinra walked into the room after a few more seconds. "ah good, i see you're both awake... and not arguing." he saw the stricken look on both their faces and sighed. "i also see that Shizuo can't keep his big mouth shut." he said. "so you know then." Izaya just nodded. 

"well don't panic. you're just high-risk, so even when your wounds heal, you'll be bedridden." he said. "from the ultrasounds, Izaya, duration of your pregnancy will likely be around four months."

Shizuo couldn't think of anything to say that could sum up just how fucked up that bit of information was. Four months. In four months they...or maybe just one of them would be parents. He couldn't think about it happening that way though. Not if he wanted to stay sane about all of this. 

Even with a shortened pregnancy it seemed an eternity away. Four months of worry, and even then the outcome wasn't certain. Still, he'd been through some tough shit. He could handle this. He needed to, for the both of them. He looked up at Shinra as apologetically as he could. 

"So what now?" he thought out loud. He had no idea where Izaya's finances came from, but he would probably need to find some money for them. Izaya couldn't go out like this.

"now we must be patient, keep calm, and make sure Izaya is comfortable and well-nourished." said Shinra. "Shizuo... I need to run home to get a few things, please... keep him calm and make sure he's alright till i get back." 

Yeah. Keep Izaya, the ever coolheaded and in-control Izaya calm. Meanwhile Shizuo would be ripping apart the inside of his own head. But he kept that to himself. Bitching would only serve to do the exact opposite of what Shinra asked for. 

Izaya gazed at Shizuo, he really had nothing to say, except... "Shizu-chan... the key to my office is on the bedtable here... I... If this is to work, i need to trust you with my finances... so... the checkbook is on my desk and you can use my savings to get supplies and food." 

Honestly the amount he had in his savings would probably make Shizuo faint.

He nodded, though he didn't plan on using the man's checkbook unless he really had to. He had his own money, and as long as he wasn't out picking up diamonds or something he was sure they'd be fine. What worried him was the thought of leaving Izaya alone to go pick things up. 

Somehow the thought of money, of running errands or whatever was kind of calming. Let his brain get off the topic of his recently terminal...lover? Fuck, there was that too. He couldn't deny it. It was already out, hell it had burst out and caused a medical disaster. Kind of a running trend for him really. He didn't really want to deny it either. It felt pretty good not to push down his feelings with more hate. Those feelings were more than a little spoiled by what was happening now, but it would be a hell of a lot easier facing fatherhood without wanting to punch something about it. He massaged the sides of his head and reached over to rather gruffly pull Izaya closer to him. He was warm, and soft, and being close to him made his head shut up.

He was right, he could get used to this. It probably wouldn't be too hard either.

Shinra watched them for another few minutes, then nodded. "I'll be back shortly." he said. "any errands can wait till i return." 

Izaya nodded. He watched Shinra leave, and then heard the door to the apartment open and close..

Only then... only then did his walls completely crumble, and Shizuo witnessed a sight that Izaya had been hard pressed to never let anyone see. He buried his face into Shizuo's chest and began to cry. He was terrified, confused and in pain. 

Even crying hurt, but once he started, he couldn't seem to stop.

.....Well that was a fucking curve-ball. It was all Shizuo could do not to sit and gape like an idiot while Izaya bawled his eyes out. At least he managed to maintain enough dignity to pull the poor guy in a little closer. 

"I should've guess you weren't _that_ tough." he said offhandedly as he ran his fingers through Izaya's hair. He sat there for a while digesting the fact that Izaya wasn't indestructible or unshakeable after all. Come to think of it, Shizuo was taking it a little bit better. Then again, he wasn't the one pregnant and possibly dying. 

He tried. Pretty damn hard too. Couldn't think of a damn sweet thing to say to snap him out of it.

This was some pretty serious shit though, so it was probably for the best.

Izaya just lie there, crying for a while. He didn't move, he barely even breathed, he broke out into a coughing fit a few times due to insufficient oxygen to his brain because of that.

Eventually the tears abated, however, and he slowed to just random hiccuping sobs interspersed with gasping breaths. 

he slowly came back to himself and began to pull away from Shizuo, ashamed of himself, realizing that he'd pretty much drenched the blonde's shirt with a mixture of tears, snot and spit and blushed crimson. "s-sorry" he mumbled, his voice barely audible. 

Of all the people to cry in front of... or should he say, on top of...

Shizuo blinked. What was he- oh right. Shizuo hadn't even realized the drenching he'd undergone. He would probably have to change his shirt now. "Don't worry about it." he chuckled offhandedly. "You're handling it pretty well, considering." it was barely above a mumble, more of a spoken thought than anything else. 

He had just realized that without any of his things he was kind of shit out of luck finding a new shirt. Fuck it. He pulled the damn thing off, buttons and all, in one motion. He had plenty more shirts just like it. Somewhere in the recent mess his usual tie and vest had been discarded. He tossed the shirt at the wall.

With how much Izaya had cried on it he was almost surprised it didn't stick. He didn't say that out loud though. Instead he just rolled some of the tension out of his shoulders and laid a gentle finger on Izaya's stomach. "So. You guys hungry yet?" Probably not, he thought, but doing just about anything would be better than sitting around moping.

Izaya just lie there, trying to pull himself together, just breathing. He ignored Shizuo speaking to the... children... he was carrying. that was a very hard thing to deal with... the fact that there were two... it scared him more than anything had before in his entire life. 

Finally he spoke. "Shizuo..." he whispered. "Thank you." 

his eyes fluttered shut and he just lie there. He shortly drifted off to sleep, his breathing becoming regular. His crying had worn him out.

"Guess that's a no for the food then." He sighed and stroked some of Izaya's hair out of his face. Poor bastard. He looked peaceful for now, which was just about the best thing he could ask for given the circumstances. Carefully, he lifted himself from the bed and went to scour the kitchen. He left the door open. If anything happened he would be able to hear it. Hell, he'd probably be able to hear it next door with how shot his nerves were. 

Not for the first time he had to stop and stare at just how damn nice the place was. "I thought I spent a lot of money..." He muttered to himself as he made his way into the kitchen. The cupboards seemed a good place to start. He desperately hoped Izaya wasn't a vegetarian or something despicable like that.

 

Izaya slept peacefully for the moment, which was lucky. Who knew how long that would last. 

About five minutes after Shizuo had begun to scour the kitchen, Shinra appeared. He opened and shut the door and then put down about 9 bags of what looked like heavy equipment. "phew." he muttered. "wasn't sure i'd make it." he left the bags where he'd dropped them for now and went to peek into Izaya's room. 

"sleeping peacefully... that's good." he said, snagging the key to Izaya's office off the man's bedside table. He went to the kitchen where he could hear Shizuo banging around. "Hey, I'm back." he said, probably unnecessarily. "everything ok while i was gone?"

"Abou ash mush ashoo leffit." Shizuo answered around a mouthful of cookies he'd found stuffed into the back of Izaya's fridge. Damn they were good. Some fancy shit that was all tied up in a silk bag, which he carried out with him into the main room. He eyed the baggage suspiciously. "Whasha-" He took a second to swallow. "What's that for?" Whatever it was, he was surprised Shinra managed to carry it in. He wandered over and peered inside, and was rewarded with even more confusion. It was medical equipment...maybe. It would make sense. But why so much of it? Yeah, there was a baby coming, but not for a while. He'd also never seen this much equipment used for birthing. "Shit. Right." He muttered to himself. Not an ordinary birthing.

"advanced ultrasound equipment, advanced equipment for in case he flat-lines, a full emergency response kit, surgical equipment, a special light so when I'm getting the children out of him i can see what I'm doing, or if i have to do anything else surgical, and a cooler full of any IV drips i could possibly need." said Shinra. 

He walked over to Shizuo and handed him the key. "this is the key to Izaya's office. you will need it." he said. "don't lose it. this is all going to be expensive and Izaya doesn't expect you to pay for all of this. Go into his office and in his right desk drawer there's a checkbook. grab it." he ordered. "and for the love of god stay out of the kitchen." he said, eyeing the mess Shizuo had left when making Izaya breakfast. 

"I'll cook lunch after i set up the equipment that i need to set up at the moment." he said, hefting a bag. "you do as i told you and then stay out of my way."

 

"Surgery...?" the word stuck at Shizuo like a thorn. He barely took notice of Shinra's tone and didn't even notice the key until he looked down and realized he was holding it. Of course there would have to be surgery. Still... He took a moment to remember what he had been told and shoved the key in his pocket with a grunt. "You could be less of an asshole, you know." with that he stalked off to Izaya's office. 

From the second he was through the door he felt a little off. While the rest of the flat was either completely wrecked, messy, or home to medical equipment, this room was as neat and pristine as it had been since Izaya was in it last. And of course, it was enormous. Bookshelves and everything. His feet echoed around the room as he approached the desk. 

Always so damn neat. Everything on the damn desk was situated just so. He shook his head and rummaged through the drawers. Didn't take him long to find the checkbook, tidy as everything was. He paused for a second. Just how much...no. Wouldn't be right to go snooping through the guy's finances, especially not now. He slapped the checkbook down on the desk and flopped down in Izaya's comfortable leather chair. "God damn, that's nice..." his muscles ached from exertion and lack of sleep. He felt his eyelids getting heavier. 

No. Couldn't sleep yet, not until he was sure they wouldn't need him. He got up and shuffled back out into the main room, closing the door behind him with a quiet click.

Shinra looked at him. "Izaya's finances are your business now, Shizuo." said Shinra softly. "and I'm not trying to be an asshole, I'm trying to keep myself from falling apart. My best friend is quite possibly dying and I'm the only one that knows how to save him." He was sitting on the couch. "At least i hope i do. you have no idea the pressure that is on me right now, Shizuo." he said, biting his lip to keep his voice from cracking. 

"I've never dealt with this sort of thing before. I'm only guessing, grasping at straws. I'm going to do everything in my power to help him and hopefully at least one of the children to live through this, But the level truth is, I don't know what the hell is going on any more than you do, other than i have medical knowledge and a baser idea of how to deal with this." He looked at Shizuo with a face streaked with tears.

It almost broke his fortitude, seeing Shinra of all people losing his shit. He blinked, genuinely confused. Then he stopped blinking, and looked pretty pissed off. "Hell no." He crossed the distance between the two of them and clapped a hand down on Shinra's shoulder. Not hard enough to do any damage, but pretty damn hard. 

"You listen to me, Shinra!" He lowered himself until he was at eye level with the man. In a hoarse voice he continued "It might be ok for me to lose it, I'm useless. But you're keeping it together until they're out and alive. All. Three." He was pointing a very stern finger at him now. "Pull yourself together. You've done harder shit than this before." He stood up straight and was quiet for a few uncomfortable seconds as he got his rage under control.

He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Sorry."

Shinra blinked as if Shizuo had slapped him. He was silent for about five minutes before he spoke. Damned if the blonde wasn't absolutely right. "you're right." he said at last... "don't apologize... If i were to lose it, we'd lose all three of them for sure." he wiped his eyes. "I must remain strong... at least until this ordeal is over." he said firmly.

He shook his head. "you deal with these." he said, handing Shizuo a stack of bills that he'd picked up on his way up to the flat with all of that equipment. "I'll go check on Izaya."

"Ah..." he flipped through the bills, his eyes getting wider with each passing letter. Any one of these would have left him broke for weeks. But by now he was starting to get used to the ridiculous amount of money he'd be dealing with. "Jesus Izaya." He shook his head ruefully and flopped down on a couch to get started. It wasn't any use trying not to nose now, he thought. They were both conspiring against him. 

"Ssshiiiiit..." He'd finally opened the checkbook. Why was Izaya even living here?

Shinra tended to Izaya, noting the pink cheeks and figuring the ravenet had finally had some sort of a breakdown while he was gone. He shook his head and checked the machines, taking Izaya's vital signs. He was fairly normal for now. He closed his eyes and sighed. 

He set up the ultrasound machine. He hoped what he saw was good news.

By about the third bill Shizuo was starting to get distracted. His thoughts drifted over the events of the last couple of days. He'd gone from his usual mostly violent routines to handling Izaya's bills. Of all people. It made him chuckle a little to himself. He heard rummaging in the next room that brought him back to reality. With a sigh he finished the last bill and got up to stretch around. He hated just sitting around. 

On instinct he headed for the kitchen but stopped himself. Best to avoid pissing off Shinra, even if he wouldn't make much of a mess to begin with. Instead he quietly approached Izaya's door and knocked. He was almost completely useless just hovering around with nothing to do to help. It'd probably be best to get out of Shinra's way. 

Shinra gazed over at the shadow in the doorway. "come here." he said softly. "i want to show you." he motioned the blonde over to the screen. "i'm doing an ultrasound." He pointed to the screen. "you see there and there." he nodded to Shizuo. "those... are your children." 

Izaya sighed and moved a hand, but didn't wake.

His breath caught when he managed to pick them out from the rest of the fuzzy black and white movement on the screen. Sure, he knew they were in there but to see them...they really were in there weren't they? His kids. His kids. He had to sit down. 

He mouthed wordlessly, his eyes glued to the screen. It really hit him then. He was going to be a father. His thoughts started racing. Was he good enough? What if he fucked up? What the hell would they turn out like? Coupled with the existing questions about their health, he could hardly stand it. He stood back up and leaned in closer to the screen. He didn't realize he was touching it until he pulled away and looked down at Izaya. At least he wouldn't be alone...hopefully. 

He flopped back down. He didn't really feel like going out anymore. "Well shit." he mumbled to himself. To his surprise he sounded kind of excited.


	8. Complications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stuff happens. By now you people know i suck at chapter summaries so yeah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY AT LAST ANOTHER CHAPTER. ALSO MERRY/HAPPY WHATEVERTHEFUCKYOUCELIBRATE!

Shinra just stood there, letting the full force of the imagery talk for him, snapping a few screenshots to show Izaya once the other woke up. Once Shizuo spoke at last he started cleaning up Izaya's abdomen of the messy gel that he needed to get the equipment to slide easily across his skin. 

He gently covered the ravenet with a blanket and tilted his head towards the door, flicking a switch on the ultrasound machine to turn it off. the printer was in the living room. He left the room and sat down on the couch. 

He sighed heavily, flicking the vial of blood in his hand absently that needed to be tested as he waited for Shizuo to come so he could talk to him.

He shuffled out after the doctor, still a little flabbergasted and sat down with him. He watched the vial full of blood for a second and then ventured to ask. "They looked alright to me...are they?" Of course, he wasn't any sort of authority on the matter. They didn't look like they were deformed or dead or anything though.

"from what i see... for the moment... both are healthy." he began. "but... they're too far apart inside that faux womb for my comfort." he shook his head. "that's a wrong statement. one of them is not even inside the faux womb. I fear that..... that child won't survive." he hesitated. "but as long as it is moving and the heart is beating, i see no reason to terminate it." he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "so long as Izaya isn't in any pain because of it... it has a slim chance." 

He leaned back against the couch. "they've stopped growing at such a rapid clip, which is good for Izaya and them... but i believe that in as little as 48 hours i'll be able to see what genders they are." He looked at Shizuo. "did you finish paying the bills?" he asked.

"What? Oh...yeah, the bills." He wiped a hand over his face. Bad news. Every time. A little bit of good news, but always bad news immediately afterwards. Did he even want to know the genders yet? Shouldn't Izaya know first? "Yeah." he finally answered Shinra's question. A nagging thought occurred to him then. How in the hell was he going to explain any of this to...well anyone at all?

Men just didn't up and have babies. And even if he told people they adopted, there was no telling how much it would look like either of them. Maybe people wouldn't be too nosy? 

Shit, did anyone even know he was gay? It's not like he went around telling everyone. Out of nowhere, he'd be out with Izaya and two kids. Almost overnight.

Shinra got up and went to the centrifuge machine, turning it on and slipping the blood sample into it. He looked at Shizuo. "are you alright?" he asked quietly. "this is heavy stuff... you may have caused it yourself, but i'm not going to sit here and condemn you for it. You're stepping up and trying to handle it. I need you to be strong for Izaya." he said softly.

"He's going to need you to be a rock for him right now. I know it'll be hard..." he closed the lid on the machine and hit the button. "but as much as i know you want to crawl into a hole right now... you can't. You said i'm not allowed to hit rock bottom. you're absolutely right. but you also said that you're useless. that's not true." 

he walked over and put a hand on Shizuo's shoulder. "You are the one thing that will keep him sane. I know it's not exactly sane to even say something like that about you, but you being here for him, not running away, taking responsibility and TRYING... it means the world to him... and it also could be the deciding factor between life and death for him and the children."

"Wasn't planning on crawling into anything" it would have sounded angry if he were up to it. Thankfully he was too tired to really be offended. "I know." he just hoped he was up for it. He stared at the vial spinning around for a little bit then stood up. All this sitting was going to make him lazy. 

"I'm alright though. Mostly." He laughed a little and then continued. "I was thinking about how to explain all this. Of all the shit to worry about..." he shook his head.

He looked up at Shizuo. "dont' worry about the future until we get him through right now." he said softly. "his life is hanging by a literal thread and we have to focus on that. on keeping him and the children alive." 

The machine beeped and began printing something off. Shinra went to go fetch it. "go sit with him or something... or if you really must do something active, i have a list of food he should eat while he's pregnant if you want to go shopping. He may be waking soon though."

"I'll go check on him first." Shinra was right. Worrying about explaining it wouldn't be problem until after there was an _it_ to explain. And he'd really rather there was. 

He peeked around the door before stepping in. The machines were humming softly and despite the situation it seemed rather calm in there. The ultrasound machine was off, which was a little disappointing despite knowing keeping it on was impossible and stupid. He gave the readouts a once-over. He couldn't tell what any of it meant, but none of it looked awful. The EKG machine blipped at the same pace and everything, so Izaya was probably as alright as he could be. 

Shizuo sat down gently on the bed next to him. 

Shinra read through the results of the blood test. everything was as good as it could be really. He sat down on the sofa and covered his face with a pillow. As much as Shizuo was right about him keeping his cool... he felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes. He was so scared... what if he did something wrong?

Izaya stirred, opening his crimson orbs half mast and gazing at him. "ngh... Shizuo..?" he said softly, his hand reaching up to cover Shizuo's hand. He managed a half-assed smile, drowsy as he was. "is Shinra back yet?" he asked, stifling a yawn.

"Yeah. He came back a while ago." He leaned down and kissed Izaya's forehead. Dammit he was cute. "He managed to get an ultrasound too." He straightened back up and walked over to poke his head out the door. 

"Shinra," he called, just loud enough to be heard without being obtrusive. "He's up." he thought for a second. "And he wants to see the ultrasound pictures." He guessed.

He nodded and shifted a bit on the bed to get more comfortable. He grabbed for Shizuo weakly as he moved, but he was unable to snag him before he got up. He sighed and just watched. He'd wanted a few moments with Shizuo but the blonde apparently had other ideas. 

Shinra cussed under his breath at Shizuo's soft shout. "i cannot catch a fucking break." he muttered softly enough that Shizuo couldn't possibly hear him and set the pillow aside. He rarely swore, which showed how stressed he actually was. raising his voice he called back; "alright i'm coming! gimme a sec!" 

He heard some muttering but couldn't make it out. If Shinra was complaining, he couldn't blame him. He sat back down with Izaya. He had caught the sigh and tousled the man's hair for it. He could guess at what it meant. 

"This is worth it, trust me." he said reassuringly. He too, wanted at least a little quiet time. He wanted to see Izaya's face light up at the sight of his two healthy children more though.

Shinra gathered his stuff and walked into Izaya's room. "how are you feeling?" he asked softly, eyeing the ravenet. "i'm alive." came the strained response. 

Shinra shook his head and had to chuckle. he handed Izaya the ultrasound photos. "lets see if Shizuo can point them out to you." he said evilly, nodding to the blonde.

He looked at the picture, then back to Shinra. Then the picture. Then shinra again. If looks could kill he'd have two patients in the house. He sat down gently next to Izaya and hesitated for a moment before pointing to where he thought the babies were. He hoped he wasn't pointing to some random squishy blob or something. 

"There." he said with utmost confidence. "I...I think." And another withering look at Shinra while Izaya wasn't looking.

Shinra laughed and nodded. "yes, Shizuo, that's one of them." he said with a grin. He pointed at the other one. "there's the other." he said. 

Izaya eyed them. "they're a little far apart..." he said, missing nothing. "yes. they are. but we're not worrying about that right now." said Shinra. "right now we need to get you fed and keep you relaxed." he looked at Shizuo. "i'll go make dinner and clean up Shizuo's mess in the kitchen. you two... keep... not fighting."

Despite himself, he burst into laughter. If the whole mess could be summed up in one sentence, that was either it or close to it. Keep not fighting. "Sure." he chuckled. He didn't even notice the comment about the mess until after Shinra had left, but thought nothing of it anyway. 

He looked back at the printouts lying on the bed next to him and sighed. It bugged him a little. The whole, 'we're not worrying about that right now' attitude. But it couldn't be helped...He picked them up and turned them over a few times, trying to spot the other one.

"Huh. looks kinda like...peanuts..." he muttered to himself without thinking.

Shinra went and began to clean up the kitchen. He'd have to before he could begin to prepare some decent food that Izaya would be able to digest easily. 

Izaya looked at Shizuo. "what is so funny?" he asked, trying to disregard the peanut comment and turn the Blonde's atttention towards him. "Shizu-chan..." he reached out and put a hand on his arm. "talk to me?" he asked.

He turned to Izaya and sat the pictures back down on the bed. "Right." there was still humor lingering in his eye though his tone was more serious. He sighed. Now...probably wasn't the time for this. Now he had a terrified person in need of some comfort on his hands. 

"I hope you feel better than just 'alive'" he meant it too. In the back of his head he was already trying to piece together how to make Izaya feel better.

He looked at Shizuo. "i don't rightly know how i feel." he said, his voice miserable now that Shinra was out of the room. He reached out and grabbed Shizuo's arm. "please..." he whispered softly, his voice shaking. "Shizuo i'm so scared." He didn't care anymore, about Shizuo seeing him this way, not since he'd cried himself to sleep in the blonde's arms a few hours earlier. "i don't want to die."

He wasn't sure what to do...or say...or anything. 'I don't want to die.' What can you say to someone looking that right in the face? 

For a moment he couldn't even bring himself to look at Izaya. It was his fault the man was in such a state to begin with. It didn't seem right that he was also being relied on for consolation. He didn't feel he deserved it...but that wasn't his choice. He wouldn't deny it if he could, anyway. 

With no better way of saying that he wanted Izaya to stay around, he pulled him close again and spoke into his hair, "That's two of us then..."


	9. Shit + Fan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally Kasuka makes an appearance, there's some good fighting here... yeah enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to a sudden emergency that came up i was unable to proofread the entire chapter, so forgive me if it gets a bit muddled towards the end.

He nestled into Shizuo's suddenly comforting arms and closed his eyes, a few tears squeezing out once again. "Don't you let me." he whispered. "I don't care if it means the kids die. I have to live... I'm not ready." he was panicking.. he wasn't going to deny it. "I'm not ready to go yet..."

All he could do was nod. If it came down to it, if in the middle of the surgery it became a choice between Izaya and the children he knew what he would do. Even if it went against Shinra's judgement. Even if he had to resort to violence to get it done, he would. He pulled Izaya in a little closer, knowing enough to let the man cry it out. 

Of course, if he had his way no one involved would need to be sacrificed. A small part of him wished this was already over. Though he wouldn't return to his normal life, he would be glad to have this all behind him.

Shinra came into the room a few moments later, quietly setting two plated down. "Izaya... i understand you're afraid." he said, his voice low. "but you need to be strong. panicking is just going to stress you and the children out, and that is even worse for your health." 

Izaya nodded "yeah... sorry." he muttered. "I'll try."

Well. Shinra was one lucky bastard. Shizuo's fists...hands, were busy being wrapped around Izaya. Wondrously, his unoccupied mouth stayed shut too. If he were more inclined to care at the moment, he'd probably be flabbergasted. At the moment he was still reeling from the conclusion that he was willing to sacrifice children, his own children, to save his new lover. He had it in him to make the choice but could he go through with it? 

How in the hell could he even know if he would? How could anybody be prepared for something like that? He caught himself staring off and brought his attention back into the room. The other two probably had something to do. He really fucking needed some air. He voiced it, followed by, "If I gotta come back early, just call. I'll be in before the second ring." He mustered up his best confident smile for Izaya.

Shinra blinked at Shizuo's sudden declaration that he was leaving. "Shizuo... if you have to leave, at least pick up the groceries i told you about earlier." he said, going over to him and handing him a list. "you keep saying you want to be useful." 

The doctor was a tad annoyed, he'd just made dinner and the blonde was leaving... but he understood. a lot had happened in a short period of time and honestly, they all needed to process it.

Izaya watched Shizuo go, upset but knowing the blonde needed to think. He looked to the food, trying to distract himself. he still had Shinra there. Shizuo would come back... he wouldn't abandon him... not now. he hoped.

"Figures, I couldn't get a free breath of fresh air with him around." Shizuo mumbled under his breath as he walked down the sidewalk. His hands snaked and shoved their way into his pockets. Still, free or not, fresh air was fresh air. He tried not to think as he enjoyed his walk. It was getting dark out already. 

Something nagged at the back of his head. Something he was forgetting...right. Cellphone. He felt around in his pockets until he found it. No messages at all since two days before. His eyes narrowed. Were things really that slow or was it Shinra keeping him holed up? That would make things convenient, but also disquieting as fuck.

Shinra flitted around and did various non-invasive tests as Izaya ate, really rather annoying the crap out of him till Izaya threw a pillow at his head.

"let me eat god dammit!" he cried. 

Shinra was sheepish and sat down to eat his own food. they sat in silence for a bit. "you're going to be alright." Shinra finally said. "i swear it."

Izaya heard the determination in his tone and just nodded. "i trust you." he said softly. He didn't have much choice. his life was literally in Shinra's hands.

There was still something...damn. He couldn't put his finger on it. He remembered the damn groceries, so that wasn't it. Fuck. It was like an itch at the back of his neck. He heard rapid footsteps behind him and immediately knew what it was. He wasn't forgetting a damn thing, he was feeling uneasy. In his line of business, you either developed a feeling for danger or a serious health condition. 

He spun around, fist raised, and found himself staring down a gun barrel. "Hold it, bitch!" Blue. The fucker had enough of it on to show what he was. Shizuo's jaw clenched and he tensed himself to spring. The stupid bastard didn't even notice. "You been gone so long, the buddies and I were getting real worried." The bastard was mocking him! "No new wreckage in the city. Real heartbreaki-"

Later, the paramedics would wonder just what kind of force could push a gun that far into someone's face. 

In the next moment he was in an alley, dodging a volley of gunfire. Turns out the little fucker had friends nearby. "FUCK!" He cursed and smashed a crater in the wall behind him. The gunfire stopped for a second. Jumpy little shits. "We know about what happened with yo boyfriend, motherfucker! The rest of us gon' go fuck him up too!" 

He didn't see much past the red, then.

\---

CRASH! A window exploded in one of the street-facing walls, closely followed by a roaring cheer. When it died down, voices floated up. "...just two of the fuckers in there now, man. The other one left. Sent Sanje and the boys after him. He's dead." Another crash and a sprinkling of broken glass. The smell of smoke drifted into the bedroom. 

"Come on out, little bitches!" that and many other taunts floated up from the street. A gunshot echoed into the air.

at the loud crash Shinra jumped. He heard the taunting voices. He peered out the window discreetly; his profession had earned him some good furtive tactics. shaking his head he sighed. "it's the blue squares." he told Izaya, who was looking on in concern. "they managed to get a high powered rifle good enough to shoot a window out at 10 stories. this could be bad." 

He whipped out his phone, calling for help. "Celty, i need you to access my computer, send my boss an urgent message, Izaya and possibly Shizuo's life depend on it. Once you do that, get over to Izaya's place. If you see Shizuo on the way grab him." 

Celty did everything exactly, soon she was roaring her bike down the street. She heard screams and gunfire and found Shizuo in a blind rage, punching attackers left and right. She reared her cycle and brought her scythe into the action. At that point the idiots decided it'd be smart to run. 

She tapped out a message: [They're at Izaya's place too. Shinra said it's urgent. I got in touch with his boss.. hopefully the Mafia gets there in time. hop on!]

She threw him a helmet and motioned for him to get on the bike. 

meanwhile Shinra's phone rang. "Borned! yeah we're alright, for the moment. you sent some men? that's great. don't worry we'll stay away from the doors but i can't exactly move my patient from near the window... right. thank you." his boss owed him a few favors. He only hoped that Celty and his boss' Men got there in time. 

He jumped on the bike, still breathing heavy. The rage was fading, and his hands hurt like hell. He pushed it to the back of his head and nervously waited their arrival. He might have to beat more heads in before the end of the day. He could worry about his hands after that. When he spotted the men crowding around Izaya's building he almost lost it again before noticing that they were...fighting each-other? That couldn't be right. There were definitely two groups though.

"Celty what the hell is going on here?" He asked angrily as he climbed off the bike and took off the helmet. One of them detached from the rest of the group and started towards him. He was stopped short by a barreling motorcycle helmet.

Celty grabbed Shizuo's arm and pointed to the group in black [That's the Yakuza... They're here to protect you guys. don't attack them or there will be an entirely new problem on our hands. Just take out the ones in Blue.] She told him. She reared her bike and left Shizuo on ground level as some of the black suits and casually dressed Yakuza members went to Shizuo (cautiously) to discuss a plan of action. 

Celty drove up to Izaya's balcony, leaving her bike there and knocking on the window. Shinra ran to the living room and opened the door to the balcony. "Celty!" he cried, pretty much throwing himself into her arms. [are you two alright?] she asked. "yeah. we're fine for now... i take it my boss sent people and you left Shizuo with them?" he asked. [yeah... i figured me being up here would help in case some of them manage to make it to the elevator.]

At that moment a car was driving by. the occupant, upon seeing Shizuo, pulled over and stopped the car, just watching in silence as the fight went on. He sighed. "Shizuo... what have you gotten yourself into this time?" he said to himself, his tone expressionless.

"Yeah. Right." It was a good thing they were on his side. Yakuza or not, he was in a mood to destroy just about anything that got in his way, and fuck the consequences. The littlest bit of him left considering anything took up its time being thankful that he had some help though. He was a little put off when they approached him, as he didn't really know what he could do with them. The Squares had guns though. 

"Normally I'd say fuck them all, but aim low. Scare the coward bastards off." He said hurriedly. The momentary ceasefire brought on by his rather theatrical entrance wouldn't last much longer. Without another word he jumped into the mess of things, and in short order bones were breaking. He didn't even register the van pulling up.

an hour later and many bodies (or carcasses as the case may be) had been carted off by the cops. The Yakuza members had vanished as fast as they'd appeared. None of them had gotten into the building thanks to Shizuo. 

Shinra was weary with relief and let Celty fret about Izaya for a bit, who had fallen asleep; as he flopped onto the couch. 

Outside as Shizuo stood there recovering there was the soft noise of footsteps. a small jug of milk was thrust into Shizuo's hand. "so what mess have you gone and gotten yourself mixed up in this time, big brother?" came his brothers' usual monotone unemotional voice. "drink that. you exhaust yourself."

"Wha-!?" he was just about an inch away from punching his little brother in the face. Even in the after-battle haze he couldn't ever make such a mistake, though, and he just ended up staring stupidly for way too long. When the jug of milk hit his hand the marathon of empty-headed staring continued until Kasuka spoke up. He uncapped and upended it. It was gone in seconds. 

He stood for a little while longer letting himself calm down. How did the little bastard always manage to show up when he wasn't expected? And always, ALWAYS, when it made Shizuo look like an idiot? He shook his head and bit back a curse. He was about to speak up, but held his tongue again. How much should he tell? How much could he tell, really? Shizuo could stand to lose everything if word got to the wrong people.

Kasuka looked at him. "shall we go inside and talk? you know nothing gets to the press from me unless it's supposed to. most people don't even know this is my home town and that i even have a brother." he said calmly. "I assume this is where you're living now, since when i went to your old place it was all closed up." 

Shinra grabbed his phone and called Shizuo. He hoped the guy was still conscious.

"Eh well...about that-" He cut himself off with an annoyed growl. The little shit asks him questions after seeing him survive a fucking battlefield. Typical. Always so damned cool and collected. As an answer he turned around and walked into the building, gesturing with a wave for his brother to follow him. "I don't live here, but I guess I'm staying." He trailed off, his mind distracted by running through just why the Squares would be busting up Izaya's place. Yeah, they didn't like the guy, but this was bold. Really bold. What the hell was pushing them to something like this? They were just thugs. And where the hell did the Yakuza come from? 

"I mean...even if they helped they're still the fuckin' Yakuza..." He was in an unusually muttery mood. At the sound of his phone ringing he jerked it out of his pocket and practically smashed it into his face. "Shinra? Is Izaya okay?"

once they reached the penthouse apartment Kasuka blinked. He didn't comment, but thought something about his brother coming into money somehow. 

Shinra clicked his phone shut at their arrival (which was just about when Shizuo finally answered the damn thing) and looked up. "oh good you're in one piece." he said getting up and going over to Shizuo. "any bullet wounds i should know about?" he asked him calmly. 

Celty heard Shinra talking to Shizuo and popped her 'head' out of Izaya's bedroom to wave but was stopped short when she saw Kasuka. she flailed and ducked back into Izayas room, hugging herself.

Shinra caught it out of the corner of his eye and chuckled. "sorry Kasuka," he said with a laugh. "she's just a huge fan." 

Kasuka shrugged. "its fine. i'm used to it." he said, going to sit down. "this is a pretty ritzy place." he commented at last. 

Shinra glanced over from continuing his examination of Shizuo and nodded "i'll explain everything in a minute once i'm sure Shizuo is alright. can't have Izaya waking up to a bloody mess. there's been enough of that for one day."

"What? Oh, no." He answered Shinra distractedly. Just where was Izaya during all of this? Did he really sleep through all that chaos? He was barely listening when Shinra explained why Celty was acting strange, but it did dawn on him that it was a little funny to think of her being shy about anything. He was used to seeing her flying into the thick of things on that steel horse of her's. "I'm fine Shinra. Really." As if to emphasize this he stretched his hand out. It turned out to be a very bad idea. An unhealthy cracking noise told the other that he was lying and his wince a second later put the nails in his coffin. "...Mostly." He grunted out through clenched teeth.

"tsk." Shinra said with a shake of the head. "you should know better than to lie to me about injuries, Shizuo." he scolded him. "take off the shirt." blood was now showing on the white fabric. He looked to Kasuka. "make yourself at home." he told the actor. 

to Shizuo he said; "Izaya is fine. he passed out halfway through the fight. he's quite fragile." he said. "too much exitement." 

Well since he was going to tell him everything anyway, "What about the kids- AH! FUCK!" Taking off his shirt moved way too many muscles, most of which were torn to hell and back. He took a second to shake himself out a bit. He should be used to it by now, but damn it hurt. "Damn. Don't give me that, Shinra. Hell, I didn't even know it was this bad." And it was pretty bad, as a quick scan over his torso told him. He hadn't exactly been shot, but a few had grazed him a little too closely for comfort.

Kasuka raised an eyebrow, settling himself on the couch. "Izaya? what's wrong with him? and why is Shizuo so close to him? i thought they wanted to kill each ther." he directed his questions at Shinra. 

"i'll answer all your questions and tell you the whole story once i finish fixing up Shizuo, alright?" said Shinra cheerfully.

"sure." said Kasuka easily.

Celty appeared with Shinra's medical bag from Izaya's room and sat across from Kasuka, her hands up against her helmet like a blushing fangirl. She sent him a greeting text and he nodded. "you're the black rider. you're just about as famous as i am." Celty sent him another message and he smiled. 

Shinra went to work on Shizuo. "the kids are fine as far as i can tell for now." he said calmly as he stitched up one of the grazes. "good work mostly dodging the bullets. if one had actually done some damage we might have been in trouble. Good thing i called in a few favors and got you some help running off the blue squares." he said idly as he worked.

He visibly relaxed at hearing that the kids were fine. The idea that anything could have happened to them, especially while he was away, was the scariest thing he could get into his head. He made up his mind to be more careful about going out again any time soon. He still couldn't wrap his head around what had sparked them.

"Yeah, sorry." He figured it was no use mentioning that he couldn't help being so reckless. Maybe if the bastards hadn't mentioned what they were up to he could have. But then he wouldn't have known the danger Izaya was in. A few scrapes and some broken bones weren't a big deal compared to that.

"That was you?" he asked, his surprise evident. He stared unblinkingly at Shinra for a second, as if seeing the guy for the first time. "...Damn. Just when I think I've got this town figured out." He winced again as Shinra ran across one of the sore spots. "What...hsss...what do you think they were after?" He lifted an arm, opening a few cuts and letting Shinra get to a particularly nasty graze on his side.

Shinra kept working. "both you and Izaya have enemies. my guess is that someone put them up to it... possibly the leader of the blue squares; he probably has a bone to pick with both of you." he shrugged. "and yes, that was me." 

Kasuka and Celty seemed to be having a rather nice conversation for the moment.

Izaya woke up alone in his room amongst the machines. the lack of people in the room didn't concern him; he could hear voices. He could hear Shizuo and Shinra... and another voice he wasn't quite awake enough to recognize. He relaxed. Shizuo and Shinra were alright... there didn't seem to be any more noise from the street. he supposed the danger was passed for now.

"Anything else you think we should know?" He realized that it probably sounded a little distrusting, but he didn't mean it like that. If they had the Yakuza on their side that complicated things. A lot. On the one hand, it was the motherfucking Yakuza. They could get or do anything they wanted. On the other hand, it was the motherfucking Yakuza. Sometimes people were what they wanted, and Shizuo didn't have any plans of being one of those people. He didn't know the half of what Izaya was involved in, he was sure, but it could potentially put him in danger too. 

He glanced over at the rapidly tittering fingers of their guests and sneered. She was going all school girl over him. Really, he was a great kid but he wasn't THAT great.


	10. Kasuka and the Blue Squares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Shizuo tries to make sense of his brothers' sudden arrival, Shinra takes precautions to keep the Blue Squares from attacking again and becomes concerned about Izaya's sleeping habits.

Shinra could guess what was on Shizuo's mind. "relax." he said quietly. "it's not like i can call on those guys whenever i want. they just owe me a few favors and i know they owe Izaya some as well. I've arranged for them to be on patrol around here, to keep the Blue Squares from pulling a stunt like this again, but that's as much as i can do. we can't exactly move Izaya without endangering him and your children." He snipped a thread."there you go, you're all fixed up. I'm going to go check on Izaya, you start telling your brother the whole story. the guy's gonna be an uncle, i think he'd want to know that."

He jumped up and went to look in on the informant, who was watching the door. 

"Kasuka is here?" Izaya asked, having finally realized who that other voice was. "I saw Celty. what happened exactly?" 

"don't stress about it, everything is fine now." assured Shinra, going to check on his vitals and do a few minor tests.

Shizuo's eyes narrowed but he relented and turned to face Kasuka. He had to wait a couple seconds for a lull in the speeding conversation the guy was having with Celty. Funny, he wouldn't have taken her for an idol worshiping type. "Did you manage to hear any of that? I'm having a kid. Well, actually two, but y'know." He started bluntly. 

He gave a couple moments to let it sink in, then launched into a rather shortened and paraphrased version of what had happened, of course leaving out a few bits that made him look like an idiot. Well, as much as he could avoid it. Now that he said it all out loud he realized how much of a fool he sounded like.

Kasuka listened in silence. After the story was over he looked at him, his face unreadable as usual. When he finally spoke; "So in other words. You cornered Izaya at last, your pent up emotions blew up in your face and caused a medical anomical partially miraculous disaster that has Izaya's life hanging by a thread." he said calmly. "and now for some unknown reason, the Blue Squares are after the both of you. is that basically it?"

Shinra finished up with Izaya and stifled a yawn. "can i get you anything?" he asked the ravenet. "no i'm alright... i think i'll go back to sleep... i'm really still very tired." Shinra looked concerned, but said nothing. him being tired all the time could be a bad sign or not... he wasn't sure. He'd have to do more tests.

For a little while Shizuo couldn't do anything but sit and stare like an idiot at his brother. "When you say it like that..." he finally grumbled. "Well. Yeah." He finished defiantly. He thought for a while aloud "They said something about me. Something like "no wreckage" or some shit. And they knew about Izaya and I. How did they find out..?" He was beginning to wonder if his new lover wasn't the only dangerous informant in the area.

Kasuka shrugged. "well, the Blue Squares are nothing but a bunch of idiot Yakuza wannabes. They're nothing to really worry about unless they really get organized. But i assume the Yakuza are hanging around the building making sure they don't come back today." he leaned his head back. "Shizuo I'm not going to ask how it is that Izaya can get pregnant in the first place, but you have my full support. Whatever you need. I'm on holiday at the moment so if you'll have me, I'd be happy to help out."

"Good. 'Cuz I don't really understand it myself." The how wasn't so important anyway. "Are you sure you shouldn't be somewhere safer?" He asked his brother, "The Yakuza won't stick around forever, and you can't act your way out of a Squares raid." It was just about as close as he was going to get to saying that he didn't want Kasuka in harm's way. 

Kasuka smiled mysteriously. "the Blue Squares are of no concern of mine, but i thank you for thinking about it." he said calmly. "to be honest if they attacked you now that I'm here, something bad would probably happen to all of them." he shrugged, not wanting to say anything more. 

Shizuo got up to find Shinra, or Izaya if he was awake. Probably not though, he'd been sleeping a lot lately. Maybe a little too much, but then again Shizuo didn't know much about how this kind of thing worked. And it could be different for men even if he did understand how it normally went. He pushed the door open as quietly as he could. "Shinra? Can I talk to you for a second?" Yeah, Izaya was out. Shame. If anyone would have a clue, it would probably be that guy.

Shinra looked up from the machine he had whirring in the corner, doing a few tests while Izaya was out cold. "hm? oh yeah sure." he said, walking away from the machine and leaving Izaya's room. "what's up, Shizuo?" he asked, leaning against the wall. "Kasuka hanging around? God that'd make Celty's entire YEAR. almost makes me jealous."

"I've never seen her like this." He remarked, staring at the cyclist. She still hadn't taken off that helmet of her's. If he knew her, it would stay on the entire time she was here, and a good while afterwards as well. "But anyway, shit..." He didn't really know how to put his questions into words. "The Squares said something about knowing about Izaya. Well, knowing about me and Izaya and..." he cleared his throat. "I can't figure out how they knew. Someone might have eyes on us." He finished hurriedly.

Shinra shrugged. "i have no idea." he admitted. He sighed and pulled a key out of his pocket. he unlocked the door to Izaya's office and tugged Shizuo in after him, shutting the door and locking it. He motioned Shizuo closer. "alright. I am telling the truth about the Squares. i really don't know what they are after or how they know what they do. the fact is they know it."

He sighed and flopped onto Izaya's desk chair. "what I'm about to say doesn't leave this room. you know i don't' work at a hospital regularly, and i vanish at odd hours. the truth is i work primarily for the Yakuza. I can't call on them all the time, but they owe me enough favors to hopefully get us through till Izaya is well enough to be transported." he looked down.

"as for Kasuka... I'm not really surprised that he's shown up. I sent him a letter telling him you were in trouble. He offered up his own private house near here for a place for you and Izaya to live. I assume he figured out that the Blue Squares would attack. as for how he gets his own information, i have no idea. He could be connected to the Blue Squares somehow, or perhaps his fans are very prominent in the Blue Squares. this is something you'll have to talk to him about on your own." 

He shook his head. "at the moment there's Yakuza hanging around this building, even staying in the apartment just below us to try to prevent the Blue Squares from trying anything again. However i have no idea how long my boss is willing to keep them around."

"How long does Izaya have to go?" He walked over to the large window and stared down at the city lights. It was a fantastic view, and did wonders for his nerves. He let out a sigh and turned back to face Shinra. If it was a week or even a few days it would be a godsend. Surely the man could convince the Yakuza to stick around that long? 

Shinra leaned back in the chair, shrugging. "i honestly couldn't tell you." he said with a sigh. "it could be days, weeks, even a month or two. the twins are developing very fast, but i can't say for sure that even after he has them, assuming all three of them live, that Izaya would physically be in any state to be moved for at least a month or so after that." 

His brother having a connection with the Squares was something else entirely. He respected the guy, but he didn't know much of what he got himself into. If he was mixed in with them there was no telling how much danger they could be in. And he couldn't think of his brother being that bad of a person. A complete dick sometimes, but this was so far beyond him it was ridiculous to think about. "I don't think he's working with them, at least." He voiced aloud.

"as for Kasuka... there's really only one way to find that out, isn't there?" Shinra said. he tossed Shizuo the key to the room. "tell Celty i need to talk to her, go ask him. You're his brother, i doubt he'd lie to you."

He caught the keys haphazardly and kind of stared at Shinra for a good while. "I...shit I don't know. The kid's like a rock. If he doesn't want to tell me something he'll just ignore me." He didn't mention aloud that he was also deeply frightened by the idea that his family could be mixed up with the people that just tried to firebomb his lover's apartment. How in the hell would he deal with that if it was the case? He couldn't just go mad and wreck the guy. He was family. You never hurt family.

He thought for a second on how to approach the subject with him. "Do you think I could borrow some of those Yakuza guys for a bit?" He pulled on the ends of his uniform. The thing was in a state. "I've gotta throw these in a washer. There's a laundromat nearby, I think. I kinda wanna take Kasuka with me. It's easier to talk to him if there's something to do." Otherwise the little shit would just sit and stare at you and that was just fucking unsettling.

Shinra whipped out his phone. After a short conversation he snapped it shut and nodded to Shizuo. "they'll meet you at the ground floor once you get off the elevator." he said. "laundromat is just a few doors down; though i'll tell you Izaya has laundry room down the hall, but if this makes you feel better then by all means." he shrugged. "besides, it'll save me having to distract Celty for a bit." 

He stood up and held out his hand "if that's the case then I'll need those keys back." he requested politely. "i need to finish up those tests on Izaya as well, so take your time. i'll call you if anything dire happens, or if I'm involved, Celty will text you."

"Yeah. Even if it's not serious, still tell me. I wanna know what's going on with him." He looked away for a moment, and it was clear from his expression that he was chewing something over. "Has he, I don't know, been sleeping too much or something? It's giving me a bad vibe." He was used to following his gut, but he hoped he was wrong here. He figured Shinra would know more than him, so it was worth a shot. He handed the keys over to Shinra while he asked, almost without thinking about it.

"can do." he said. He took the keys. "as for that... that's the reason I'm doing these tests. the fact that he's sleeping all the time is concerning to me as well. resting is good for healing and for helping the children grow... but even so, this is excessive... he's barely had an appetite as well." he unlocked the door. "good luck with your brother. the Yakuza members you requested are waiting down on ground level. I'll go check up on Izaya now." 

Shinra walked into Izaya's room and started by taking the ravenet's vital signs and drawing a bit more blood. Izaya appeared to not have moved an inch while all this was taking place, however the machine that had been doing the test that he'd been monitoring when Shizuo had called to him was now beeping due to finishing it's whirring. 

Celty was nowhere to be seen; she'd gotten a text and had excused herself, leaving a note saying she'd be back later.

With his hands stuffed in his pockets he went out to grab Kasuka. "Bro. Come on, I wanna go for a walk." He didn't think the kid would object. It wouldn't cost him anything, after all. "I've got some of the Yakuza guys to tail us while we're out to make sure nothing happens. We gotta talk." He gestured towards the door and headed out. 

===

Well, he ended up with a rather fat one, a guy that could only weigh about fifty pounds soaking wet, and a guy with a pompadour. A real fucking _pompadour_. He just stared at it, tried not to, gave up, and went on staring at it for a few seconds. He didn't think anyone on the planet actually did something like that to their hair. It turned out their names were Toma, Shoma, and Joe. The pompadour guy apparently had a thing for Americans or something, if his horrible leather jacket was anything to go on. Toma and Shoma must be brothers, he decided. They had that look to them. Or they were long time partners in crime. Something like that. When he could get over the strangeness of the group he explained where they were heading. 

"Thought there was one down the hall?" Shoma's hands were stuck in his pockets but he still managed to do a good job of somehow pointing in the right direction.

Toma just shrugged and started off down the hall. Joe was staring at him in much the same way he had been staring at Joe.

===

Shinra glanced over the test results and frowned. it seemed like things were normal... at least hormone and bloodwork wise. He wandered over to the ultrasound machine that he'd gotten permanently affixed to the ravenet and stared at the image for a few minutes. Not realizing that Celty had vanished, he puzzled over the black and white grainy view of the twins and realized that he could barely see the one outside the faux womb anymore. "oh shit." he exclaimed. he dashed over to Izaya and pulled the blanket away to reveal his abdomen. sure enough, there was a dark bruise-like color spreading over his skin. 

"CELTY!" he cried. there was no answer. "oh no she left!" he paced for a few minutes, going back to the ultrasound screen and trying to breathe. He briefly wondered how long Izaya had been bleeding internally and knew he had to do something, and do it fast, with or without help. He forgot entirely about grabbing for his phone and went straight for his surgical kit, hoping to god he wasn't too late.


	11. Emergency Measures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you all know i suck at these. :p just read.
> 
> \--- THIS IS WHERE IT GETS A BIT GRAPHIC WITH THE MEDICAL STUFF, JUST BE WARNED.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i know it's been a while since my last update, but i'm moving the website that the fic is being written on so i can't update as much as i'd like. I thank you all for bearing with me. <3

Kasuka followed him, making no comment about the fact that Shizuo wanted to drag him to a laundromat when there was a laundry room in the penthouse, but figured his brother had a reason. When they finally got to the damn place Kasuka perched himself on a washing machine and watched Shizuo. "so what is it?" he asked. "you want to know about Ruri or Aoba?" he said casually. "or did Shinra just want to kick us out for a bit so he could examine Izaya?"

"...who?" Shizuo had been in the middle of pulling off his destroyed shirt and shifting through the bag of clothes he had brought with him for a new one. The shirt was halfway off his head when he spoke up. He hadn't heard either of those names before in his life, but it seemed Kasuka did know something about what had happened. A pang of worry cut at him. 'No. He wouldn't be involved.' he told himself. It had to be true. Of all people, he should be able to trust his own brother. "Both, I guess." He tried to pass off his tone as casual, but between worrying about Izaya and dealing with needing the Yakuza standing outside just to visit a laundromat, he was doing a terrible job of it.

Kasuka looked at him. "Aoba is the leader of the Blue Squares." he said calmly. "He's a bit like your ... what do i even call him now? husband? ... well... he's a bit like Izaya... only worse. He and Izaya have been at odds for years, so naturally when Izaya vanished off the map, Aoba probably got curious and did some digging." he shrugged. "the hospital records are easy to hack into, and once he found out that you two were there and left with Shinra, he probably put two and two together and made an assumption. a correct one, i suppose. only i doubt he accounted for Izaya's pregnancy. I mean, who would really think something like that?" 

he leaned back on his hands "as for Ruri... she's my girlfriend. you know, the supermodel turned pop star? Ruri Hijiribe? we met a bit ago when she was attacked by some thug." he wouldn't tell him that the thug had actually been Shizuo. "I picked her up off the street and Shinra came and tended to her, after that we got pretty close."

The name sounded familiar, which was weird because he made it a point not to follow tabloids. Being related to a celebrity could do that to you. "Wait...you mean the girl that did your makeup? Really long time ago...that vampire thing you were in?" Yeah, he was sure of it. He hadn't really met her, but he had been given the idea that she was a nice person. He made a mental note to meet this girl and make sure she was actually a good person. His brother generally had a good eye when it came to these things, but he would rest easier knowing who the guy was running around with. 

Aoba was another matter. "You mean like an informant?" Shizuo tried to imagine someone like Izaya running a gang. It was a scary thought indeed. With the intelligence and power he had under his fingers it wouldn't be hard for him to take over the place if he got it into his head. "Husband. Heh."

Kasuka nodded "yeah, that'd be her." he said calmly. "She's pretty famous now. not that it matters." he yawned. "as for Aoba, yeah i guess you could call him an informant with an army." he shrugged. "he's got no real beef with anyone except Izaya. And anyone that protects him." 

He noticed the fangirls gathering outside the window. "i'll be back in a moment, i don't need them bursting in here and hearing classified information." he put on a smile and waved, hopping off the machine and leaving the laundromat to go field the fans gathering for a few moments before urging them to disperse before his agent got cranky.

Shizuo stood there with no company but the rattling of the washing machines for a while, chewing over this Aoba business. 'An informant with an army.' He wondered if Izaya knew about the guy, and if he did, then what they could do about it. The blue squares were pushovers, and cowards down to the last of them, but from what he could tell they were easy to manipulate. In the right hands they could be a problem, and it seemed like the right hands...well wrong hands had them. A beep from the machine brought him back to reality with a pointed thought. He had to find this man and make sure he wouldn't be a problem anymore.

He pulled out his phone and dialed Shinra. Izaya was probably still out of it. As the phone kept on ringing his brow furrowed and worry started to worm into him. He hung up and decided to dial Izaya's cell. Maybe Shinra had his silent or something...

 

\------------------------------

Shinra had set up his surgical equipment in a whirlwind of frenzied activity, knowing he didn't have any time at all really; though to be honest that part was nothing new... what WAS new, however, was that this was his friend, one of his best friends in fact, who's life hung in the balance... and this was a surgery that, to his knowledge, had never been performed before on a man. ever. 

He had cleaned the area, heavily sedated Izaya through his IV and set up forceps, surgical tape, clamps, towels, gauze and scalpels and all his equipment, then, taking a deep breath to steady himself, he took a scalpel and made the first two shallow incisions in Izaya's abdomen above the darkest areas. 

He grabbed a forceps and dabbed up the blood that flooded out as best he could, the towels he'd placed around the area absorbed what he coudlnt' get. He slowly pulled back the flaps of skin and secured them with clamps and forceps. He then gently began to move and shift organs and intestines with another pair of forceps till he found what he was looking for. the torn umbilical of the now stillborn child. He was careful to not go anywhere near the faux womb, considering the other child was still perfectly healthy. he could hear the heartbeat on the monitor.

Shinra heard his phone go off, barely hearing the noise as he continued his rather bloody work. He then heard Izaya's phone go off, and realized absently that it was probably Shizuo. He couldn't exactly spare a hand at the moment and cursed. "sorry Shizuo..." he muttered, focused on trying to stitch the torn umbilical shut so Izaya would quit bleeding out. 

Shinra sighed and hoped Shizuo wouldn't blaze in freaking out while he was trying to do something as delicate as remove the stillborn child from Izaya's abdomen, which he was currently occupied in attempting to do. The poor child had gotten a piece of Izaya's intestine wrapped around her neck. "pft no wonder Izaya had no appetite... he probably didn't realize the pain from this wasn't connected to the beating Shizuo gave him." he muttered to himself as he managed to free the mostly-perfectly formed fetus and began to try and navigate it's proper extraction.

Kasuka returned and saw that Shizuo was on the phone, looking concerned. He reached for the dry and clean clothes and began to fold them, quickly, having a feeling that Shizuo would be wanting to bolt shortly, considering the look on his brothers' face. "trying to reach Shinra?" he asked, his voice calm.

"Yeah. Fuck!" He had to stop himself from throwing the phone off somewhere. Instead he jammed it in his pocket and started for the door. "I'm checking on them." He didn't want to waste any time waiting on the clothing. If everything was fine Shinra would have answered his fucking phone. If things weren't going to shit he would have answered Izaya's. As he passed the gangsters Joe tailed him, walking briskly to keep up with him. 

"What's up, chief?" He had been in the middle of a cigarette. Shizuo was working himself into a run. Though he didn't have any trouble keeping up, Joe grumbled about almost losing his smoke when they sped up. "Shit's goin' down?" Shizuo didn't answer. Joe nodded and kept pace.

Kasuka watched Shizuo blaze out of there at top speed, sighed, finished folding the clothes, and grabbed them, following him at a rapid but not alarming rate, knowing if there was a problem with Shinra or Izaya, that Shizuo probably would blast in there guns blazing and possibly screw something up. He sped up a bit, knowing time was of the essence.

By the time Shizuo made it to the building he was at a dead run, and Joe had fallen quite a ways behind. He didn't bother to think what he would look like to the guards as he rocketed into the building and up the stairs. He hardly noticed when he shoved the door open that he may have broken the handle. 

"Izaya! Shinra!" They weren't in plain sight, and in the state he was in it triggered a fear of danger which sent him running about the place looking for them. In short time he would remember which room they were in. As he passed through rooms he had the nasty side effect of knocking things over and disregarding them.

Shinra froze, hearing the elevator ding. In short order he could hear Shizuo causing general chaos outside the room. Thank god i locked Izaya's door. he thought to himself before shouting out at the crazed blonde in annoyance. "FOR FUCK'S SAKE SHIZUO I'M TRYING TO SAVE IZAYA'S LIFE IN HERE. CALM THE HELL DOWN AND USE THE KEY" he yelled loud enough to be heard over Shizuo's general panic and destructive behavior. 

At that moment Kasuka entered the apartment and dropped the laundry on the couch before moving to grab his brother's arm. "oi. Shizuo. calm yourself." he said, having heard the tail end of Shinra's shouting. 

Shinra had gone to the tactic of ignoring the noise and focused on trying to remove the little girl from Izaya, he'd almost got it... then he'd dropped it when Shizuo had started causing a fuss. He had to wrap this up soon. He dabbed moisture on the cut to try and buy himself some more time.

Shizuo almost yanked his arm out of his brother's hand, but he noticed who it was a second before he could. He vaguely remembered hearing shouting but couldn't recall what was said. "Where the hell are they?" he demanded as if his brother would know. He tried to calm himself down, but no matter how deeply he breathed his heart kept beating faster. It was taking a lot of willpower not to get more violent in his search. Kasuka wasn't freaking out, and as always his brothers stoney demeanor helped a bit.

Kasuka sighed. "have you checked Izaya's room?" he asked calmly. "the door is shut and i'm betting it's locked. If i heard right as i came into the apartment, you have a key. but you should calm yourself a little before going in there... there's no telling what you might face... what you might see." 

Shinra finally managed to extract the stillborn little girl from Izaya's abdomen. laying aside his tools for a moment, he took the time to wrap the little bloody bundle carefully in a towel. He looked at it for a few moments. she was perfectly formed, pretty much... he tsked softly, his face sad. "sorry little one. I couldn't save you." he told her softly as he set her aside. 

He checked his stitches on the ruptured umbilical carefully before removing the clamps and forceps, beginning the stages of closing the incision, hooking up a small piece of tubing to continue draining the excess blood from Izaya's abdominal cavity; he'd check the situation again in a few hours, but Izaya seemed noticeably less pale already, his condition stabilizing.

He took a few moments to get himself under control. The Yakuza were still around, and before he showed up nothing was broken. Nobody was screaming...well aside from his yelling. There wasn't blood all over the place. With how heavily he was breathing to calm himself down he was starting to hurt his throat. His shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes with a sigh. "...You're right." his fists slowly unclenched. He walked over to the door to Izaya's room and stood there for a while, a sharp pain gripping his chest. Whether from fear or politeness, he couldn't be sure, he knocked on the door. He was surprised at how shaky his voice was when he spoke. "Sh-shinra? Shinra, it's Shizuo..."

Shinra snipped the thread from the final stitch and glanced to the door. "come in." he said. "just please don't' freak out. there's quite a lot of blood in here." he called calmly as he prepared an antibiotic cream and then bandages. He glanced to the bloody towel. He wasn't sure how Shizuo would react to it. or the entire situation really.

He tried not to look at everything and nothing at once as he walked slowly into the room. The harsh smell of blood and antiseptic burned his nostrils, but he ignored it. He found his way over to a chair and collapsed into it, his face blank. His mouth moved a bit, as if he weren't sure what to say. After a while he gave up, sparing passing glances at Izaya. He wasn't stupid. He could guess what had happened. A dark fear grew up in him, inexorable though he tried to swallow it. He took a deep shuddering breath and finally asked. His eyes were anchored on the bloody rag of a towel.

"Both? Or just...just one?" Saying it like that left him feeling dirty. It was a human life, not a "just one."

Shinra placed the bandage carefully on the incision, looking at the tube that was still slowly draining the excess blood from Izaya. He heard Shizuo's question but didn't say anything for a bit. He pulled the bloody gloves off his hands slowly and threw them away. He covered his blood-soaked instruments with a sheet of fibrous paper and reached for the bloodied towel. 

He picked it up and walked over to Shizuo. "one." he said at last. "the other is safe and healthy. Izaya is stable now... I..." he offered the towel to Shizuo. "I'm sorry." his voice was choked with emotion. "i couldn't save her." there were tears running down his face now. "I'm so sorry, Shizuo..." he bit his lip, trying not to break down completely. he was trembling.

Without a word he took the dead child from Shinra, cradling it close to his chest. He barely made a sound, barely took a breath. In an instant he was gone, the door swinging wildly shut behind him. The sound of a dull crashing announced the door leading out of the apartment being ruined. The Yakuza stationed outside immediately sprang out of their leisure and gave chase. He paid them no mind, the tiny cold body and the blood soaked rag stained his shirt as he clung to it for dear life, running faster than he had ever pushed himself before. He was at ground level in seconds, crashing through the doors and out onto the street. 

The rain didn't slow him any more than the shouts from the guards that followed him doggedly. He ducked and weaved between alleyways, tears indistinguishable from the raindrops. His heart pounded against his chest, against his daughter's. His legs burned. He gasped for breath and roared in an anguish that gave his pursuers pause. 

The cars swerved out of his way or he went around them. He was almost hit more than he would know, and it was a miracle when he made it to the park. There, with the rain pattering against the trees in a calm that he struck him with sickening irony, he finally fell to his knees trembling. With shaking hands he tore at the ground, his cries growing louder as his fingers were bloodied on the occasional rocks. The yakuza caught up with him, but none dared go any nearer. 

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, he was silent. He unwrapped the blanket and made himself look at what he had caused. He felt himself grow cold and summoned his anger to beat it down. He would feel for this.


	12. Spiraling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will Izaya do when he finds out what happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this chapter is a tad short, but I'm trying to use what i have to work with, the site this fic is being written on technically is in the process of changing servers, so we can't advance the storyline right now. I thank you all for your interest in this fic and we WILL be continuing it once the site is moved, and Lilihealer and I are grateful for your patience.

Shinra ran to the door as Shizuo took off. "Shizuo!" he called desperately. He sighed, the blonde was gone and he knew it. He glanced to Kasuka. "keep an eye on Izaya for a moment please." he requested the emotionless ravenet. Kasuka nodded and entered the room, sitting on a chair and eyeing the monitors which were, for the moment steady and calm and monotonous. 

Shinra didn't dare leave the apartment just yet, but he dug out his phone and called Celty. She knew that when Shinra actually called her it was an emergency, as opposed to a text. "Celty" he said, his tone panicked as he heard her pick up. "Izaya had a partial miscarriage and Shizuo took off with the fetus... i need you to find him and bring him home as soon as possible, before he gets himself into trouble or worse!" he hung up and a few seconds later received a text. -Got it. I think i saw a crowd gathering near the park, heading there now.-

Shinra sagged against the wall with a sigh, biting back tears as he straightened himself up and turned to go back to Izaya's room. He put away the soiled surgical instruments and set out a new set just as a precaution, but left it covered in the corner. He then flopped in a chair. "I'm sorry my brother is such a loose cannon." Kasuka said after a long silence. 

\------

Celty revved and parked her bike, running through the crowd to the center where she indeed found Shizuo, cradling the stillborn infant and either crying or very close to it. She put a gentle hand on his shoulder, knowing he needed comfort whether or not he actually wanted it. She typed out a message.   
\---I know you're upset, But we really should get out of the public eye... let me take you home.---

"What does it matter...?" his voice was almost indiscernible from the rabble of the Yakuza and the few pedestrians who had stopped to ogle at the odd spectacle in front of them. They were at Shizuo's back, so if anyone was lucky they wouldn't be able to make out what he was grasping so desperately. 

His voice was quiet and savage when he continued speaking. "I'm the monster of Ikebukuro. What can they do to stop me?" The tones of his voice were strange. It sounded like a plea. Like he would give anything in the world for one of them to be able to stop him.

Celty seemed to sigh. She grabbed his arm and tugged him upright, pulling him over to her bike. He might be powerful, but like hell was he in any condition to be out like this. 

-get on the bike, I'm bringing you home. you need Izaya. you have to deal with this together.- she tapped her foot to show him she meant business.

At first he was resisting, but as she started pulling it seemed all strength poured out of him. The only part of him still showing any resistance to anything was the arm he cradled his daughter's body in. His head was in a blur from the exertion of running. "Fine." was all he could manage as he got on the bike. 

The Yakuza were still eyeing him suspiciously. The pedestrians were pulling out cellphones and trying to snap pictures through the rain of the mysterious Celty and the Monster driving off. It would definitely be one to talk about after such an episode.

Celty drove as fast as she could to Izaya's place, pulling and tugging at Shizuo as she got him up the elevator and to the penthouse, locking the door behind them as they stepped inside. She flopped on the couch as Shinra rushed over. "Shizuo don't do things like that!" he scolded gently, helping the stricken blonde to sit on a chair. He made no move to grab the bloody towel from him; he wasn't stupid nor did he have a death wish. 

He fetched a glass of water and shoved it into Shizuo's free hand. "drink." he said. "Shinra." came Kasuka's voice from Izaya's room. "He's starting to wake up."

Shizuo ignored the glass with his head hung, but whether he was looking at the corpse or not was anyone's guess. He let himself be tugged along and tried his best to shut out his surroundings. But when he heard Kasuka he couldn't sit still. He knew he should be the one to tell him. He had to face the music. When he looked up his eyes had a sort of dead intensity that was chilling. 

He stood up and made towards Izaya's room with his shoulders set.

Izaya was stirring, his eyes opening and he moaned softly. He was awake enough to realize something had happened that was probably a big deal, considering the fog in his head and the grogginess he assumed he'd been sedated. 

Shinra dashed into Izaya's room before Shizuo got there, assessing Izaya's condition in one glance. "Don't move." he advised softly. "I had to perform emergency actions on you. you were bleeding internally." he didn't say anything else, knowing the reason Shizuo had suddenly begun to move was to come and give Izaya the worst news of his life. 

Izaya was slowly coming more and more awake and looked around. He saw Kasuka leaning against the wall and then looked over to Shinra, listening to him and not moving much aside from his head.. not that he really wanted to. He felt pretty numb and sore. He glanced over as Shizuo entered the room, his eyes magnetically drawn to the towel he was clutching for dear life and the stricken look on Shizuo's face. "Sh-Shizuo... what's that?" he asked, his voice uncertain.

He tried to say it, but the words stuck in his throat. How could someone say something like this. He looked at the screens blipping along monotonously, as if checking the vitals to see if he could take the news. He didn't know the first thing about reading any of them. It was more an attempt to find something, anything, to make this better. He took a deep breath. Nothing could make this better. He should get it over with. 

Shizuo's voice was quieter than he intended it to be, but he didn't bother raising it. Nobody was talking. Aside from the machines, the room was as silent as a tomb. "It's our daughter. We...she didn't..." he had to take another breath to keep going, "She didn't make it." he choked out. A fresh wave of sobs overtook him.

Izaya watched Shizuo dither for a few moments before forcing out the words and breaking down into tears. 

The words hit his ears and time seemed to stop. He'd lost one of them... he felt the room spin and closed his eyes, attempting to absorb this information. He'd had a partial miscarriage.... Shinra had said it could happen... He was high risk as it was... As much as he tried to rationalize it in his head the fact was...

His eyes opened and he looked at Shizuo, at the bloody bundle in his hands. He felt something break in him and tears began to fall... a soft moan tore from him and he sent Shizuo a look begging the blonde to come closer. 

He felt utterly helpless... he wanted this to be some nightmare he could wake from. Depression settled into him like never before... he simply wanted to cease to exist. He let out a soft cry of despair and gripped the sheets hard, sobbing.

As carefully and slowly as he could, Shizuo handed the bundle over to Shinra. It felt strange to do it. Like he was betraying something. He sat down on the bed, and with utmost care pulled Izaya into an embrace. He didn't know where the stitches were but he tried his hardest not to mess with any of them. 

He pulled Izaya's head to his chest and rested his own against the other's, letting the tears fall out. Seeing Izaya up again reminded him of just how dangerous this all was. That instead of just the daughter, it could have been all three of them. Any moment could send his lover into a critical condition. If there was any saving grace in the whole mess it was that he was still alive.

Shinra took the bundle wordlessly, looking over at Kasuka. Kasuka nodded and left the room. Shinra gently placed the bundle on a small tray and left it where the two of them could reach it if he wanted to, then he left the room as well, knowing they needed a little while to be alone. 

He went to the living room and sat down next to Celty, who placed a gentle hand on Shinra's leg. The doctor put his head in his hands and his shoulders shook slightly as he broke down, his silent tears dripping into his lap. He felt half a failure... that poor girl... his best friends... it was almost too much... that surgery had taken a mental toll on Shinra, and all his stress was beginning to pour out. 

Kasuka meanwhile had gone into the kitchen. He felt some form of emotion he could only vaguely conclude was grief... or maybe sympathy... He leaned against the sink for a moment, trying to get the mental picture of Shizuo sobbing out of his head. his brother hadn't cried in so long... He must be devastated. He shook his head and straightened. everyone was falling apart... he, the emotionless wretch, could at least do something to try and help. He dug through the kitchen and started to cook. nothing fancy, just a few things that would be easy to heat up later; he didn't figure anyone would be hungry now... he also brought water to everyone before going back to tend the kitchen. 

Izaya cried and clung onto Shizuo, ignoring the mild pangs from his stitches. crying HURT, but what hurt him more was the fact that he'd lost a child... his daughter... He hadn't expected it to hit him so hard... he'd survived... he thought he'd be relieved about that... but at the moment he honestly felt like he'd rather be dead than anything else. 

He slowly calmed down and the tears stopped. "S-Shizuo..." he managed, his voice a harsh whisper. "i want to see her... to... to say goodbye..." he bit back another sobbing fit. he had to be strong for a few moments. then he could ask Shinra for pain medications and be lost to oblivion for a while.

Words couldn't come to him, so he just nodded and did as Izaya asked. Touching the body again brought a new wave of grief, but he choked it down as best he could. When Shizuo had handed over the body he sat back down on the bed and tried to look anywhere else. In that strange way that people can't help but stare at a car accident, he felt his eyes drawing magnetically to the bundle. He gripped the sheets in concentration. He had to calm down. He had to be there for Izaya. That was the best he could do right now.

Izaya took the bundle in trembling hands and slowly unfolded it. The little girl lay there, her eyes closed as if sleeping, perfectly formed. Izaya bit his lip and just gazed at her for a few moments, suddenly devoid of all emotion, though there was a clear hollowness and anquish in his eyes. 

after a few moments of looking he wrapped her back up and pulled the bundle to his chest, burying his face in a clean part of the towel and shaking with silent tears of one who'd given up. He lay back eventually and closed his eyes, handing the small bundle to Shizuo and turning away from both of them. He just wanted to curl up and wake up from this nightmare... 

He let himself spiral into a deep depression, seemingly forgetting completely about the other very much alive and healthy child he was carrying. He spotted the gleam of a scalpel on the table that Shinra had prepared in case of another emergency surgery and contemplated grabbing it.

Shizuo couldn't take his eyes off his lover, and worse, couldn't think of any way to console him. When it came to people, things were always too complicated. With Izaya it was far worse. And this, this was beyond what he could deal with. With the dead child back on the tray, he noticed Izaya's eyes wandering towards the scalpel and as nonchalantly as he could he moved it out of the other's reach. He stroked his hair. 

He didn't know what Izaya planned on doing with it, but it certainly wouldn't be anything good. He wouldn't blame the guy for lashing out at him, but not now. And certainly not with a knife. And if he were planning on using the knife on himself well...that obviously couldn't happen.


End file.
